death hotline (tomtord)

a glossy dream

the call lasted for hours, and tom enjoyed every second.

he felt happy.

he felt wanted.

he felt loved.

he felt..

not useless.

is this how friendship felt?

unintentionally pulling up the sleeve from his left arm, he revealed his ugly scars to him.

right now he hated them, despised then but they reminded him.

reminded him of why they were there. why no one loved him. why no one wanted him.

tears stung his eyes and outlined his face as he remembered everything.

"my brother? ugh, hes so weird. i wish he never exsisted." tom overheard, leaning against his sisters bedroom door as she talked to a friend that was staying the night. his thoughts of his sister changed that day. those words cut deep and caused the first cut.

his own sister. his own sister would say such a thing. something as horrible as that would escape her once friendly lips.

and it only got worse from there.

his brother. the oldest one in the family beat him. and the family said nothing of it.

"look at him. worthless." a seventh grader snickered, kicking tom to the ground. they had followed tom into an alleyway.

another kid came from behind the first, towering over tom.

different scenarios rushed through toms mind about what will happen next.

tom could

a. die

b. die

or

c. die

tom was going to die.

the first kid kicked tom, leaving a dark bruise on his left shoulder. he couldnt see it, but he felt it form.

they proceeded to beat tom, until someone yelled,

"hey!"

the two kids looked back. tom looked in the same direction. it was his brother, and at this moment tom felt lucky that his brother was here to save him.

"help!" tom managed to scream through the pain.

"what do you two think you are doing?-" toms brother said, approaching them.

"we- uhh..." the second one interrupted, trying to make up a pathetic excuse for such a sin.

"haven't your parents told you not to interrupt others? what i was going to say was 'what are you doing without me?'" toms brother corrected, a sly smirk forming around his mouth.

and then, toms brother and the two other kids beat up tom.

that caused the second, third and fourth cut.

it went on like that for a while.

toms parents caused some, even the kids he called his "friends" caused some.

so then, tom picked up his phone and called the hotline again, hoping for a familiar norwegian voice to pick up.

this time tom was lucky.

"this is the suicide prevention hotline, are you okay?" tords immediately recognizable voice asked, reciting the same thing he said the last time.

"hi." tom shyly greeted.

"tom?" tord said, happily, like he was excited to hear toms voice. that was a first.

"yeah, im back." tom noted, the screen of the phone heating up his ear and cheek.

"are you okay? whats wrong?" tord asked. these questions made tom feel happy. it was nice to have someone care about him.

tom sighed, "well, after i hung up i looked at my wrist. that reminded me of everything, why im suicidal."

"im sorry to ask, but what do you mean by 'everything?'" tord asked, a long pause between every couple of words.

"everything people have said about me. like 'hes so weird, i wish he never exsisted.' my sister said that. my own sister. and then i was getting jumped, my brother found me and joined in. my mother told me to get a life and left me on the street with a little bit of money. theres more, but i would rather not talk about it."

"i understand. so, why is this so hard for you to let go?" tord asked.

clueless, tom thought. he didnt know.

it was just the thoughts that followed him around for a good decade of his life.

"thats a dumb question. i dont really want to talk about it. here, do you listen to the band alt-j?" tom asked, hoping for a conversation other than his personal life.

he didnt like talking about himself to others. really about his negative thoughts.

"yes!" tord exclaimed with excitment.

tom was excited too. not many people liked the band, more or less heard of it.

"shes morphine," tom recited, his favorite line from the song breezeblocks, hoping tord would finish it.

"queen of my vaccine." tord sang along, finishing the line.

"finally. i meet someone that understands me."

"thats why im here."

it was at this time tom knew,

he was

loved.