The Final Countdown - Season I

Episode I: Part 5: I Just Wanted a Half-Caf, Half-Sweet, Dry, Soy Chai Latte

Anna-Lynn got up for the 7th time, one more tiny sip gone from her horrifyingly complicated coffee-flavoured milk beverage.

"It's just...something's not quite right."

Alone at the table again, Val watched Anna-Lynn approach the side of the line-up, squeeze her way to the front, and complain to the Angriest Barista in History about her drink.

Her thoughts went back to the break-up.

"It's just..."

Anna-Lynn's complaints drifted past her worries. Val took a long sip of her tea, and wished it was coffee.

But you ruined coffee for me. And holidays. And sushi.

For a while, the conspiracy theories had been interesting. 

It had been two years ago when things got weird. Eddie stopped having fun, and took way less interest in anything other than his work in the garage.

"Look, I've been coming here a long..."

Anna-Lynn was still monopolizing the poor cashier's time. The cashier's left eye was almost squeezed shut from the high level of twitch going on. 

The cafe door opened, and a ridiculous man sporting a huge, luxuriant beard strode in. He glanced around the room, appearing to look for somebody.

"Ian Giles!" 

A voice from across the room caught the Wondrous Beard's attention. He strode to greet a tiny woman in the line.

"Erin, how are you?" Ian's voice was robust; befitting of its bearded master.

The pair hugged. 

Don't you know hugs are one of the easiest ways to spread disease?

Val dropped her head into her hands. After all these years of swatting away his more and more outlandish claims, her own brainwaves couldn't help themselves.

A commotion from the line shook her from her reverie. Anna-Lynn was a vibrant, gingery blur of customer-is-always-right fury.

"I want to speak to your manager!" Anna-Lynn shrieked.

"I...AM...THE...MANAGER!"

The cashier leapt onto the counter, her proverbial back broken by an Anna-Lynn shaped straw. Blind rage had hacked her nervous system, and she grabbed the closest thing she could reach. She hoisted a twenty pound bag of Sumatran coffee beans, and every customer backed away in panic. Every customer, that is, except for one man.

Ian Giles.

"NNNNNYYYYYYAAAAAHHHHH!!!" 

The cashier unleashed a primal scream, and flung the beans with all her might at the closest non-moving target. Ian didn't even have time to shift his beard before the beans took his head clean off.

Oh no. He was right.