Reunited (2)

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Frances had spent the whole day with me, making sure that I was okay. I had discussed with her the best way to approach things with Sal, as I didn't want to lose what we had together. I knew that he would forgive me, but I never thought that the day's events would practically change my life. After Frances had left my house in the evening, I decided that now was the time to contact Sal. I knew that he'd still be pissed off at me, and I completely understood why, but it was worth a shot.

B: Sal, we need to sort this. Talk to me.

B: Sal? Baby...please? I don't want this to end.

B: I'm sorry, okay? You were right, I should have protected you, fuck. Sal, just talk to me please? Let me know you're okay? Please?!

I texted Sal multiple times, never receiving a reply. It was safe to say that I was worried about him, picturing him all alone in his darkest times. I'd been there, and let me tell you, it wasn't fun. You feel the need to push people away, when in actual fact, all you need is them. I remember back to when my ex-fiancé left me for a cop, it broke my heart. I started to isolate myself from social interaction, but who was there with me throughout? Sal. I knew I had to help him, not just from a friend point of view, but also as his lover. I loved that dorky, goofy, adorable man with all of my heart, and he needed me. Arguments blow over, and at the end of the day, I knew that we both loved each other too much to let this little spat come between us. It wasn't until around one in the morning that Sal finally responded to my messages.

S: Stop, Brian. How can I fix this, when I'm worthless, useless, and broken inside? You don't deserve all of this, I don't deserve you. Just leave me be.

My heart crumbled, as I read through his words. Seeing how much pain he was in, all because of my actions, it made the guilt already existing within me rise. I couldn't take this anymore, he needed me. I replied within seconds, knowing that he probably wouldn't respond for a while.

B: Baby you're not useless! Not to me! I love you from my head to my toes, from the bottom of my heart, to the heart of my butt. I adore you, everything about you drives me insane. Even though it had only been a day, you rocked my world, Baby.

B: I know it hurts, trust me, I've been there, but mistakes are made. They can't be helped, that's why they're mistakes, Sal. We'll overcome this, just like we have done in the past. Don't you dare give up on us now, not when the fun had only just begun.

As I placed my phone down to the side, and covered myself with my bedsheets, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. It's weird how much sadness can drain your body, leaving you tired all the damn time. Once again, I dreamt of Sal, just seeing him happy made my heart melt. His smile meant the world to me, his laughter brought light into my life, I could listen to it all day long. I awoke the next morning, immediately checking my phone for a response from Sal, but to no avail. I knew that he was hurting, I knew that he wanted to shut everyone out, but I had to break this cycle somehow. I was determined to, even if it fucking killed me. Across the next couple of hours, I continually texted him, just to let him know that I'd be there for him, if he wanted me to be.

B: I love you.

B: Stay strong, Sal. We'll get through this together, I promise you.

B: Please respond to me, even if it's just an emoji. I need to know that you're okay.

B: Sal??

B: Sally Retro, I love you so much. I need to know that you're safe.

B: You don't have to even reply to me, whether it be Joe or Murr, just so I know that you haven't done something harmful to yourself.

B: I know what depression feels like, Sal. Please don't let the demons win.

B: We're in this together, forever and always, Baby.

Deep down inside, I knew that Sal would be reading through every single message I had sent. I knew that he'd be listening to what I was saying, but with depression, the demons in your mind twist other people's words, making it seem as though they're turning against you. I was still in bed, not having the energy to move from where I lied. With every ring of my phone, I would hope that it was a response from Sal, but it always seemed to be from anyone but him. After a few hours of just staring mindlessly at the television screen, not particularly paying attention to what was happening, I heard my phone ding. I immediately sat up from my lying position, and checked to see who it was. It was Sal.

S: I need to end all of this. You don't deserve to put up with me. Goodbye, Brian. I will always love you.

My heart began to race, as I repeatedly read over his message again and again. I knew exactly what he meant, but something inside of me wanted to hear him admit it. The thought that he was alone, having access to such things scared the living daylights out of me. I had to get round there as soon as possible.

B: Sal?! What do you mean by 'end this'?

B: Baby?? Talk to me!

B: Please don't do anything stupid, Sal!

B: Sal!!!

B: That's it, I'm coming over. Don't you do anything! I need you, Sal!

I jumped from my bed, sprinting to my wardrobe and grabbing the first clothes I could find. I grabbed my phone and my car keys, before running down the stairs. I pulled my shoes on, charging towards my Jeep. As I was just climbing into my seat, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, seeing that the caller ID read Sal. I held it to my ear, as I was doing up my seatbelt. On the other end of the phone, all I could hear was heavy breathing.

"Sal? Sal?! Are you okay?!" I cried into the phone. That's when I heard the most painful and heart-wrenching sound a man could ever hear, the sound of their lover crying – no, sobbing.

"Bri-Brian." Sal wheezed, barely able to say a single word. I slammed my car door shut, before speeding my way over to his house. I don't care if I got a ticket, my man's life was at stake.

"I'm on my way, Baby. Stay awake, please try to stay awake!" I panicked, soon hanging up the phone, so that I could concentrate on driving. I don't think any kind of help would have prepared me for what I was about to walk in on. Nothing will ever make me forget the sight I saw, it was agonising.