Please respect the roses.

Teenage.

Yesterday I was telling you the reason why i decided to write again but I left it in between because there were some relatives who were to visit our place.

When I lost Melissa, I thought I won't be able to make friends again, I thought that maybe I've lost my most precious thing and there's no way I will be able to heal that loss. I thought, that I'll stay alone forever but, maybe I was wrong and maybe moving on is not as hard as I thought it would be.

Right now, I am one of the most popular girls at school. I walk around with my head in the clouds. I have friends, not just one or two but, a group of most popular and coolest students. That's huge, trust me. I am smart, I am pretty, I have friends and I lead them, we bully our juniors, I am popular, I get what I think I deserve and I am living my life at the best. What else could I ask for?

You think it's perfect? No it's not. You wanna know why? Because I am not satisfied. The beautiful girl that was living inside me is gone. I feel like she died the day you left. I disappoint myself every single day. I want people to love me because of the good things I do.

Melissa the reason why I am writing this all to you once again is because I am lost. I can not find myself. Melissa, my grandma is very ill and I don't want to lose her. I got so busy with my life that I forgot everything she did for me. How she fought with mother for me, how she secretly used to hand me chocolates late at night while telling me stories. I can not believe, I was so silly to ignore her all this time and now I feel like I am about to lose her too, just the way I lost you.

I do not know what I should do. I am broken from inside. I can not stop crying every time I lay in my bad. How could I be so stupid, I made mistakes before and I'm still making the same mistakes. Help me Melissa, I need the love that you showed for me. My heart is sinking, I will regret this forever. Oh lord, I feel this pain inside me.. I am scared.