On Our Own

Chapter 7

I honestly didn't know where I was going, but I continued to walk away. I was fueled solely on adrenaline and anger at this point. I heard Jack and Matt call for me to come back, but I kept walking.

I had absolutely no destination in mind, all I knew was that I couldn't go home right now. Not after what James had said.

He had no right, I was seventeen. Of course I wasn't getting adopted. I accepted that, but I didn't need people to bring it up, because at the end of the day, it still stung. It wasn't like I could ask a family to adopt me, and it was not like anyone wanted me either.

After thirty more minutes of walking I was near the hospital and after deciding Monica and Jess would already be mad enough, I went in. I found Carter's room and after the cop checked my driver's license, he let me in.

"Hey kid," I said quietly.

Carter offered a shrug and looked away right after.

"Oh Carter," I said on the verge of tears. "Don't be mad at me, I can't have another fight with a foster brother. I'm sorry I gave that phone to them, we were just worried about you."

He stared at me for a moment. He studied my teary eyes before slowly reaching for my hand and. He squeezed twice and I slowly nodded. He wasn't mad anymore.

"I'm so sorry, Carter," I whispered.

I watched as he took out a notepad and wrote something down.

It's not your fault.

"It's not yours either," I reminded him.

He took the notebook back once more.

What's wrong?

"Too much," I whispered.

I sat with Carter for hours before I finally realized I should leave. It was getting late and it was a long walk back home. I hugged him once more and promised to come back soon.

I started walking home, it was late and dark. I was so stupid to stay out this late, I looked around constantly at signs to make sure I was going the right way. I hadn't even thought to grab my phone this morning, and now I was regretting it.

It was one of those things, Jess was always saying that this town wasn't safe, too much criminal activity, she'd always say. And of all the days to be thinking about it, it was when I was walking home alone.

I thought back to when I was six and was scared of the dark. I was not sure if it was the idea of a monster being in the dark or if I just hated not knowing what was in front of me, but the dark scared the living life out of me. After nights of refusing to turn my light off, Mon and Jess said I had to turn it off because it made the electricity bill too high. I remember the feeling of pure fear until one of the older girls who lived with us back then said something that changed my little six-year-old mind.

"If you let fear control you, you can't live in control."

I couldn't be scared, I wanted to own my fear. So that night, I put a flashlight in one hand, a hammer in the other, and batteries under my pillow. In my mind, I was prepared for anything that tried to attack me at night. It worked for about two months, then Monica found out what had caused me to change my attitude about the dark the hard way.

She had been looking for the hammer for a long time, at least two weeks, she needed it to fix something. I was too scared to admit that I took it, and I guess that fear led to me being extra cautious at night. So, when Monica came in to make sure I was sleeping, she stepped on the ladder to see me and I swung my hammer, terrified out of my little mind that some monster was after me. Thankfully I missed her, and Monica and I had a long chat about monsters and how to deal with them. She let me keep the flashlight and batteries though. So every night for a long time I slept with that flashlight and spare battery.