cheerleader: markson (little bird series)

Chapter 4

There are good rumors. There are also bad rumors. There are rumors that die. There are also rumors that last forever. But the worst rumors are the ones that are true in some ways but not entirely.

That's the case when you're a new student. When you enter a school, people will know things about you. Those things may be true or not. But in the end, you'll still hear them from people you don't know at all.

I came to this university to change my life. To change who I was before. I wasn't always friends with everyone, all that happened a year after I transferred. A year after a rumor was spread about me. It was true in some ways but not in all.

Yes, I did almost die. But not because he pushed me. I wouldn't let anyone push me. He wasn't even there. No one was at the rooftop. That's why I did it. Wait, no. I ALMOST did it. But someone pulled me back as I was about to step out of this world.

Just thinking of how I lived in the past made me want to cry. I wasn't even living, I was dying. That's why I'm glad I changed my life here. For once, I'm actually living.

"Suicide." Jinyoung said. We're here in the café again, doing this paper we have to finish. Our professor said that we should write one about an important issue that college students are facing and Jinyoung thought of this topic.

"That's too depressing, let's think of a happy one!" I said. Mostly because I didn't want to talk about that. Both Jaebum and Jinyoung gave me an "are you serious?" look and I gave them a "yeah, what's wrong with what I said?" look.

"What kind of problem would you get if you want a happy topic?!" Jinyoung said with his scolding mother voice. I covered my ears and looked around, checking if I was the only one victimized by his voice.

"I'll go order a cake. You guys want some?" Jaebum said. He stood up immediately and went to the counter before we could say yes. What the fuck? Why'd he even ask?

The door opened and it revealed Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae. Now I really think that Jaebum hyung likes Youngjae but I don't wanna ask yet because I'm still not sure. The three just waved at me and I waved back while Jinyoung just kept on typing away, still determined to write about the suicide thing.

The door made noise again and I immediately looked at the door. It was Mark. With a girl. A girl I knew very well. A tough girl. I knew that they knew each other, apparently she's his ex.

I heard Jinyoung asking me a question but the words didn't register in my brain. I'm too busy staring at what her and Mark are doing. What if they get back together? Where would that leave me? I mean, we're not actually going out but it would ruin my 5-year plan of getting Mark to like me.

"Seriously? You two are just gonna zone out on me?" Jinyoung asked. I was shocked when I realized that Jaebum hyung was already sitting on his seat, munching away on his cake. I didn't notice him sit down. I was about to answer when a girl and boy laughing caught my attention. I immediately looked at the two of them and I suddenly felt ridiculous.

It was all coming back. The humiliation. The pain. The secrets. Everything. I felt dumb. I AM dumb. I'm ridiculous. I'm trying to get a guy to like me. A guy who doesn't even talk to me. A guy who obviously wants me to stay away from him. My vision got blurry as I felt tears in my eyes.

"Jack-hey are you okay?" Jinyoung asked worriedly. I nodded at him and my tears fell. They both panicked as they stood up and I snorted because of how in-synch they are.

The next day, I decided not to bother Mark. I just felt drained from all the crying I did last night. Good thing I didn't do anything stupid. When I was in class, I expected him to walk outside our room but he didn't. I guess he chose not to catch a glimpse of me at all.

I was getting ready for practice when someone suddenly opened the door to the locker room. I whipped my head to look at who it was and it was Bambam and Yugyeom trying to catch their breaths.

"You'll never guess what just happened, hyung!" Bambam said. I just looked at him and motioned for him to continue. He gave me an excited smile and I gave him a questioning look. He looks like he's about to pee out of excitement when Yugyeom finally said something.

"Mark hyung was looking for you." he said. My eyes widened at his statement. Why would he look for me? Not like we're actually friends. I can feel the bitterness spilling all over me, damn! The two looked at me as if they were expecting me to jump excitedly.

"Did he say why?" I asked. The two just looked at me ridiculously and sat down at one of the benches. They both groaned in disgust and looked at me with eyes full of judgement. What the fuck?

"That's it?! Did he say why?! That's all you're gonna say? Not even a laugh or a squirtle smile?" Bambam said. I just sighed at them and grabbed my bag. They wouldn't understand. They're too into each other to understand what I'm feeling. Yes, I'm claiming that they're into each other.

I was about to head out when another person entered the locker room. My eyes widened at the sight of him and he looked at me like I just committed a crime. It was Mark, looking like he's been looking for me everywhere.

"You're here." he said. I stared at him blankly and nodded. He sighed, I don't know if it was out of relief or annoyance. I was about to ask him why he was looking for me when he cut me off.

"I heard from Jaebum that you...uhm...were emotional yesterday?" he said. I felt a blush creep on my cheeks and looked down. Damn he makes me so flustered! What is wrong with me? Mental note to myself, kill Jaebum hyung later. The two younger ones cleared their throats and motioned to the door and I nodded without looking at Mark.

"Uhm..yeah! I just remembered a few...things." I said. His mouth parted as he nodded like he understood. But he doesn't, he could never. I was about to talk when he cleared his throat like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

"We're not getting back together." he said. My arms felt weak and accidentally dropped my bag. I was surprised because it's like he read my mind. I didn't expect that though. What's that even supposed to mean? Why is he telling me that? Did he think that I didn't pick him up at his class because I thought they were getting back together? He looked confused as to why he also said that.

"I wasn't-I didn't-Why are you telling me this?" I said, full of confusion. He sighed, obviously not knowing what to answer. I looked at him expectantly and he looked like he wanted to do something but he couldn't. Did he miss me? Did he actually wait for me earlier? I started smiling and regret was evident in his eyes. Why Mark? Why are you regretting what you said? Do you not want me to catch on? Why don't you want me to find out that you missed me? Why?

"Don't worry I'll pick you up in your classroom again tomorrow. I just wasn't feeling it today." I said. I shyly smiled as I grabbed my bag again. He looked flustered and opened his mouth and closed it again.

"That's not what I meant!" he said as I walked towards him, smiling. He still looked like he was about to smack me or something so I laughed at his face. He looked really embarrassed, it was so cute.

"Of course it's not. Sure it's not. Let's say it's not." I said as I put my arm around him and walked him out the locker room with a smile on my face. I was just teasing him but why do I want to assume that it's real? That he actually missed me. What did you really mean, Mark?