»Faded« // Min Yoongi [#BangtanAwards]

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"W-what?" I asked

"We should go out. We should try it again. As a real couple. Maybe you can love me again." He explained and I blushed.

I don't know whether I still love him.

I stood up and he looked confused.

I went to the bedroom and took a big box,

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well. There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all the last time, but I never sent them 'cause I was afraid....I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. 'Cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought that you should know. This was how I spent my time Yoongi, wanting you... I was just too scared to admit it. So, here. Read them. But please never talk about them, okay? I just want you to know what I felt. I need time, okay? Give me a little bit time. This is too much for me. I'm sorry. Really. I'm scared. I lost my heart." I said and he nodded.

"I see. It's okay. I'll wait for you." he said.

We just tidied up the kitchen and then he wanted to go.

"You should know: I'm so glad that I see you again. I made so many mistakes. I know... I know, I hurt you, but..." he said.

"But?" I asked.

"I.... Uhm, nothing. I should go, we see us!" he said and went to his apartment.

Okay?

I sit down on my couch and think about everything.

I think I fell in love with the way he touched me without using your hand.

You always ask me how I feel, but I never know the answer.

How do I tell someone that never even mind that seeing them with somebody else made me cry on the bathroom floor?

How do I explain how many days I spent isolated in my bedroom because even doing the simplest things felt impossible?

You wouldn't know what to say anyway.

Well, I'm not quite sure how to act around you.

It's crazy: the person that makes you feel alive is the person that can make you feel like you're dying.

What a fucking trap.

After I left Korea, I thought:" What if I never see him again because I stopped loving him?"

Yes.

But I still love you, Yoongi.