Dear No One (Wattys2017) (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

Dear No One, The Stars Are Nothing Without You

Callum tore himself away seconds after our lips had fallen against one another.

"What was that?" he demanded, anger throwing his eyes into a frenzy of different shades of blues.

I shifted on my feet, "I'm sorry."

"No, I don't want an apology." Callum ran a hand threw his messy hair, "I want you to explain why you just kissed me."

"I don't do well with feelings. I act on impulses." I touched my warm cheek with a shook of my head, "I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot."

As if some sort of switch had flickered on in his head hearing my response, he closed the gap between us again and kissed me; this time it was for more than a couple seconds.

In the moment that his lips were against mine, I could feel all the antagonizing feelings that tore him apart every day. The feelings poured into the kiss as if he were giving it his everything with every second our lips were moving in unison.

"Impulses are what the brain doesn't register completely," he breathed out, one of his hands still tangled in my hair, "We act on them without using our filters. I like to think it's like when we're drunk; we do things we normally wouldn't, we say things we normally wouldn't. But those things are always the truth."

"You're rambling." I whispered, feeling my lips fighting a smile. He shut his eyes, shielding any emotion in them as I stared up at him with an expecting look.

"I really wish you hadn't done that." he eventually sighed, rubbing his hand down his face, "I was doing good, you know. I was able to actually wake up in the morning with a smile on my face knowing there was actually someone who cared waiting for me outside that door."

I felt the little bit of hope and giddiness that had been swimming around in my chest drain upon hearing his words. I knew exactly where the conversation was headed. "But?"

"But I can't be in a relationship or anything remotely close to it, especially not with you, Kasey. I don't think you understand how dangerous it is for us to even be friends. One little button pressed in a sore spot and everything blows up in our faces. Do you get that? There's no way we could live knowing what triggers the other."

"So it doesn't matter how I feel?" I crossed my arms over my chest, "You get to decide my feelings?"

"I didn't say that." he muttered, avoiding my eyes, "I'm saying that we can't let them become any more than what it is; liking, possibly infatuation. You can feel however you want, Kasey. I can't take that away from you."

I closed my own eyes and took in a breath of air, "Is it you?"

"Is what me?" He responded, confused.

"The guy who wrote me." I answered, my eyes narrowing a fraction, "He. . . he told me he hated himself. That's it. Just three words."

He didn't have to say anything for me to know the answer. His cheeks flushed, losing color entirely. His lips parted, as if he were trying to come up with a lie each second that passed.

"Why do you hate yourself, Callum? You didn't do-"

"You don't know what I have or haven't done, Kasey." he cut me off, his eyes finally piercing mine again.

"I know that your mother died because cancer is a bastard that doesn't care who it takes. I know that you regret not staying out there with me that night." I buried my hands in my hair, "But you can't live believing you were the reason either of those things happened. You can't keep blaming yourself." a strained sound left him as he sat on the curb and crossed his arms over his knees. I hesitated, throwing a look over my shoulder at my house, before sitting beside him.