Popular and Suicidal

Art is the Weapon

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"Hey, love.. why don't you sit down for a second hun?" I shivered at my mothers pet names for me, "Why?" I asked, even though I obviously knew. She shifted uncomfortably, "Well dear-"
"Stop calling me those names." She sighed and started over, "Well Gerard, Mikey saw you cutting last night. And like the good son he is, he told us."

Crying wasn't my thing so I needn't worry about that. That was only because I bottled up my emotions. I sat down on the couch, ready for the long talk. I dropped my backpack and got comfy.
"Go on."

"He came to us, concerned. He doesn't want you to hurt yourself anymore. Do you have anything you could use to hurt yourself with? A blade?" "No." I lied quickly, "Are you sure?" I nodded my head.

"Well, anyways, we think you need help. You need help because we don't want you to die." "You don't?" I was surprised, they never acted like they cared about me, "Yes." She said kindly, looking for her husbands support, "She's right." He said helpfully, she glared at him.

"Anyways dear we think you need to go." I looked at her in curiosity, "Go? Go where?" Mikey stood up and moved to sit next to me, "You know... a uh facility. Like Blackmountain." I shivered.

"Blackmountain?" My blood ran cold as I repeated the foul word, Mikey only nodded. He didn't understand the horror stories that I'd heard and he didn't know what I knew, "No... please don't send me there! I'll stop, I swear I will!" I panicked, this just couldn't be happening to me.

I breathed heavily and clutched my chest, this was rapidly turning into what I knew as a panic attack. My breath shortened and got caught in my chest, it was hard to move. I fell off my chair and hit the ground hard, tears forming in my eyes but I blinked them away.

"Gee? It's okay. It's for the best." I sat up, I  knew that was true, didn't I? No, it wasn't. "You just want to get rid of me!" I said venomously, I shot up and brushed off the hand Mikey had laid on my shoulder.

"No, we want you to stay but if you aren't safe we can't help you." Mikey said calmly, he took my hand and pulled me up to my feet, I glared at him and snatched my hand away. "No, you all just hate me and want me to leave so you can be a perfect family! I've always been in the way! It was always Mikey! He was the perfect child and I was the fat messed up kid." This conversation was heating up quickly, "Don't you dare speak to Mikey like that! He was the one who wanted to get you help in the first place! You should be grateful to him!"

My eyes widened, it was all true, they only cared about Mikey but for some reason Mikey cared. No. He just wanted me gone! Whatever, I don't even care." I stormed out of the room as my mom called after me, "You better start packing! You're leaving tomorrow!" I slammed the door shut as loud as I possibly could just to piss them off.

I turned to my desk and drawings but I needed to do more, art was the best weapon, wasn't it? I went to my stereo and plugged in my phone and blasted The Misfits. I glared around my dirty room, if I was going I might as well back or clean up my shitty room.

I knew the rules for this place so it wouldn't be hard to pack for it. I grabbed my backpack and filled it with skinny jeans and band shirts, even a few hoodies though I took out the pull strings for obvious reasons.

After packing, my room looked a bit cleaner. I was already in the mood so I cleaned off my bed by mostly shoving it to the end but I did put a few pencils back and one or two books. I cleaned off more room on the floor for Mikey and decided that maybe I should clear of my bed. If only for Mikey's benefit, wait.. didn't Mikey hate me and want to get rid of me? Why did I still care about him? It was cause he was my brother, and I loved him even if he didn't return the feeling.

I put away the rest of the things on my bed and collapsed on it, god I was tired. It's been over 36 hours since I last slept. My text notification went off and I groaned, I checked it and it was Frank.

F hey, what's up?
G ...
G not much
F what happened?
G well, Mikey here found out that I cut as you know and told my parents and now they're sending me away.
F away?
G a facility. Blackmountain
F dang, I'm sorry. When are you leaving
G tomorrow I don't know what time tho
F I'll come over
G when?
F in the morning how about 5?
G whatever you want, man
F okay cool, I've gotta go, bye
G bye

I glanced at the time before shutting off my phone, it was already 5:00pm. I realized I was hungry but there wasn't much to eat in my room and I'd forgotten my backpack which ruled out an apple.

I decided I'd sneak out and buy myself some food. I was only on the second floor and I'd snuck out before. I grabbed my wallet and opened the window and looked down, it wasn't a far drop and it was easy to get back up by simply climbing up the gutter and the bush. I popped open the screen easily and climbed out and made my way into town.

After a quick trip to Mikky Ds, I decided to draw something, anything really. I was still pissed though so I drew a gun but instead of being loaded with bullets, it was loaded with pencils.

I drew with charcoal and I got it on my hands making them black. I washed up quickly and admired my work. It was good. I felt better and I realized something, art is the weapon after all.