Silent and Dark (#MyHandmaidsTale)

The room is silent, but only to me.

Emmanuelle is scolding that Martha who always leaves spills while she is cooking. From where I am sitting I can see the Martha (whose name I do not know, as she only glares at me) recoiling as Emmanuelle strides closer to her. Surely she will be beaten.

Emanuelle thrusts a package of food tokens at me and pushes me towards the door. I had not intended to go shopping for at least another hour, but it seems she has made all the arrangements for this Martha's special attention.

I leave and do not look back. Blood has certainly been spilled by now.

Ofowen is waiting for me at the door, which strikes me as strange because of how early I am. She stares at me as I go down the steps and, as usual, does not even greet me.

Bitch.

We walk. We shop. I try my best to ignore my shopping partner, instead taking in the smells of the various fruits and vegetables around me.

We start to walk back. She insists on the longer route, which we have never taken before. Something is different about today.

I see Ofowen's lips moving, but her Wings make it hard to see what she is saying. We make eye contact. I see her glancing behind us.

She taps my shoulder. I stop in my tracks and look at her. What the hell is she doing?

You — deaf, she signs.

I freeze.

Yes, I sign back, walking faster.

Sorry, O-F-A-L-L-E-N, she signs.

(Translate: I didn't know you were deaf and just assumed you were an antisocial bitch like me.)

How — you — learn? I ask, trying to keep my hands close to my body.

She thinks for a moment.

C-O-M-M-A-N-D-E-R — me — teach, she signs.

Wait, what?

What the fuck?

I don't want to get involved in this. I have enough strikes already.

___

They sent the Martha to the Colonies. I don't want to be here anymore. Fuck the Commander (haha, check). Fuck Emmanuelle. Fuck that clumsy Martha.

She signed to me.

Nobody else here tries to communicate with me. As long as my womb's intact, why should they bother?

I'm done with this place. I'm on her side now.

___

Ofowen told me she knows of a way out. I'm still on her side.

___

Ofowen told me she is too afraid to try it and that I'd have to go alone. I'm still on her side.

___

I have tried and failed. I am still on her side. Ofowen, you beacon of half-assed effort, I am so sorry.

___

We have both been punished.

It still hurts, but some of the swelling has gone down, from what I can feel.

The worst of the pain is that which is most familiar — the inability to communicate. Only, it is stronger now. Much stronger.

The room is silent and dark, but only to me.