Joy is not near strong enough to describe how I felt. To understand how I felt you would have had to have lived through my hell filled life. And if you had, maybe, just maybe you would understand.

"Rozz," Jamie says as he shakes me.

Gosh I zoned out.

"Yes?" I say as I make a crazy face at him.

"I love you," he whispers as he kisses my cheek. "Do you think you will be okay without being in a watched environment like this?"

Was he really asking this.

"Is that even a fucking question? Get out. I want you out if you think that's a real question. And for the few idiots in the room, the answer is a big, fat, yes," I practically yell, tears streaming down my face.

I. am. weak.

Ugh.

I hate when I cry over something this stupid.

"Rozz... calm down," Jamie says rubbing my hand, knowing that helped me relax.

"I just... why would you guys ask that?"

"Well we haven't actually really seen you since you got taken by your mom. You could have completely changed," he says thinking carefully before each word, and I sigh, finally seeing their point.

"It's fine. I understand now, and I do want you guys to know I'm not crazy, jump off a bridge every week, suicidal now. If you had went through the hell I went through every day over there you would have done the same. Say I'm selfish all you want, but you don't understand and you never will."

They all look around nervous, obviously feeling guilty about asking the question and making me so upset.

"Well... Rozz I'll be up later, I need to go find some food," Andy says shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Everyone else suddenly looks at their phones and make an excuse to leave.

"Well it's just you and me.." Jamie says, and I look around to see he's right.

"So I see."

"You do know I never left town... My mom called yesterday and basically told me she was throwing me out. I'm not allowed in my own house anymore Rozz... She's shipping the few items I have down, and whatever is left she's selling to make money. Some people would say I'm crazy, but Rozz... it's been worth it. Seeing you smile yesterday reminded me why I stayed. Rozz you ARE my everything plus more," he says, getting off the bed and turning away from me. I realized he was crying, and didn't want me to see him.

"Jamie... you are my everything now. You have been since I first met you, and I'm glad you stayed. I'm sorry you got kicked out, but I promise you can live with us. Now quit crying and come here. I need a hug," I say and he turns and smiles at me.

He hugs me and my heart monitor beeps wildly.

His grin gets wider as he realizes he made me do that.

"Awwww am I that special?" he teases and I turn red.

"If I didn't have all these wires on me you would be running... So be glad Jamie Lee," I say making up a middle name for him.

"I'll be glad when you are off those wires tomorrow. Right now I just feel like I'm going to hurt you, you look so.... fragile," he says finally after he figures out the word.

"Fragile my ass! I'm just as strong if not stronger than before!" I say trying to sit up and fail.

"Sureeee. I guess that explains why you can't sit up? and why you walk like a turtle?" he half asks.

"You haven't seem me off the wires yet. Just you wait," I inform him with a giggle.

In all reality I know I'm weak. No I'm basically helpless. I'm terrified to go home because I know I will need help just doing basic tasks such as feeding myself or walking up the stairs. I really just want to stay a few more days and get to a point where I can be mostly independent.

"Hey... imma go to the cafeteria, want anything smuggled up from the vending machines?"

"Anything sweet really... please..." I grin, and he nods.

Before I could even add in an 'I love you' he was out of the door, leaving me alone.

"God... if you are real please... PLEASE... make me stronger physically by tomorrow... please God...." I whisper quietly, not wanting anyone to hear me.

If God is real he will help me.... right?

A/N

well it's like 1am and I'm in a hospital room. My feet are hanging off the end of the chair, it was raining so I'm wet and freezing. The baby won't quit kicking the heart monitor so every few seconds I'm hearing a loud noise that kinda sounds like someone hitting a frying pan with a spoon. It also doesn't help that I'm having to go in and out of the room constantly... yeah I'm tired. Very tired but for some odd reason sleep isn't coming.... wonder why.

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