Broken

Chapter 2

I thought i knew what real pain felt like until today. Just so you know my name is Emily i am 22 years old and i live with my boyfriend Niall who is 23years old. We've been together for 4 years he saved me from my abusive stepfather after my mother died.

right now we are on our way to a picnic being held by Niall's old record company. They are trying to get one direction to come work for them again but I really think everyone is just going to see each other again and for the food.

Niall likes Doing the solo thing for now. All of the guys just want to live life for awhile maybe one day they will make albums together and go on tours like the old days but they needed a little break.

So Niall decided to drive on the back roads which is my favorite place to drive. Its so open and beautiful. Were currently listening to some top 40s playlist on the radio. We don't normally talk in the car because well its peaceful and im too scared to start anything. As im just sitting here he grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. His hand is really warm and mine is kind of cold.

After a few minutes of just sitting in the car waiting to get to this park were going to he squeezes my hand. At first i thought nothing of it until he squeezes tighter and its starting to hurt. I look over at him and hes just looking at the road driving. When i try to move my hand out of his grip he looks at me and says. "Emily you better be good today. there should be no reason for you to act up, and if you do you wont just have that one bruise on your face that you are trying to cover up. do you understand?" I nod my head yes as quick as i can and he stops squeezing my hand.

I get my hand out of his grip and look at it. nothing is broken but there is a faint bruise forming near my thumb. Its nothing serious so i should be okay. As i start to put my hand on my lap the car quickly pulls over on the side of the road which mind you is just farm land.

I look over to him and he puts the car in park and looks over to me grabbing my hand again yelling. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" he gestures to my band aid. I get a little worried and answer "when i was cleaning the vase of flowers i accidentally cut my hand. Its just a small cut" I can tell just by the look on his face he is pissed but doesn't say anything. He puts my hand down puts the car in drive and drives the rest of the way to the picnic.

When we get to the park there is this huge open parking lot and we park in the center of all of the cars parked there. i look over to Niall and hes getting out of the car. When we are going to be in public he has a rule. We have to be an adorable couple so nobody thinks anything is wrong. So i wait for him to come open my door for me. He gives me a look and i know that's a be on your best behavior or else look. When I get out i see harry pull up next to us with his girlfriend in the passenger seat. I smile at harry saying a warm "Hello harry how are you doing" as i give him a hug.

He responds with the usual "good and you" Niall comes over and does the bro handshake or whatever that's called that guys usually do and they start to walk over to the Pavlovian where the picnic is being held. I walk over to Harry's girlfriend her name is Lilly and she is my best friend. I give her a huge hug longer than i probably should have and she knows that something is wrong, but she knows to never ask when im with Niall or i would get it so much worse.

When i let go I give her a warm smile and walk over to my car, Forgetting that Niall has the keys I try to open the trunk and my car alarm goes off. I get super nervous and look up and see Niall walking over without harry. When he gets close enough he turns off the alarm with one of those wireless buttons on my key chain. He walks over to me and hands me the keys and whispers "strike 1" in my ear.

I smile back at him like nothing happened and he gives me a kiss on my cheek. After i unlock the car i hand him back the keys and open the trunk. I pull out the fruit basket and the cupcakes and place them on the ground. I pull out the cooler of beers and lily grabs it from my hands. "I got this". I say a quiet thank you and close my trunk. Niall is already back up at the picnic so i grab the fruit and cupcakes and walk up to where Niall's at.

When I walk up to the Pavlovian I place the fruit and cupcakes on the table with the rest of the food. Lilly then walks up behind be carrying the cooler of drinks so i put that on the ground next to some of the other coolers. When im done placing everything where it should go i look for Niall and see his talking to harry. I walk up towards them and try to join in there conversation but i cant focus.

For some reason my mind is in another place and I don't like it.

The picnic goes on everyone eats Louis shows up with his son Liam shows up with his son bear and girlfriend. Everyone just seams really happy. After everyone eats Louis comes up behind me and says "hey Emily can you do me a favor and watch Freddie wile i use the bathroom?" and i say "of course i can". He hands him over and he is the cutest baby ever. Im sitting next to Niall wile im holding him and he starts to get fussy but i calm him down and somehow make him giggle.

When Louis comes back he takes Freddie and says thank you and walks back over to talk to some guy i haven't gotten the chance of meeting before. I turn back to Niall just in time to receive a kiss on the lips which makes me smile.

After another hour so people are starting to leave. I look over to Niall and let him know ill be right back. He asks where im going and i tell him the restroom. I get up off of the bench we were sitting on and start walking on this beautiful path behind the Pavlovian. If you walk about 100 feet there is this bridge you have t cross over to get to the bathrooms.

As Im crossing the bridge i notice how beautiful the water is, so clear and so many fish. I smile a little bit and see the bathroom isn't that far away. As im walking toward the bathroom i get really uncomfortable. now I was diagnosed with a sever anxiety disorder a few years ago and still am trying to manage it, but sometimes i feel really uncomfortable for absolutely no reason.

When i get to the bathroom i go inside and walk to one of the stalls. I open the stall door quickly use the bathroom come out and wash my hands. as im washing my hands i look at my face and notice all of my makeup is still hiding the bruise perfectly and my eye makeup is also fine.

as im looking in the mirror tho i get really uncomfortable I don't understand whats wrong but i don't like this. I start to shake and i know i might have one of my panic attacks which is also not okay.

I turn off the water and try to take deep breaths but i feel like i cant breath enough so i start to cry. i reach around for my phone but i left it in my purse in my car. I know i need to get to Niall so he can help me calm down but he might also get really mad at me for having a panic attack for no reason.

I keep taking big breaths but i still cant breathe and im starting to panic a lot more. Tears are falling out of my eyes my hands are starting to get numb so are my toes which is a really bad sign. i open the bathroom door and run into Lilly she sees me hyperventilating and shes known me long enough to know that i need Niall. so she runs as fast as Ive ever seen her run towards the pavilion.

I start to walk to the bridge but everything hurts my hands and feet i cant feel anymore i cant breathe i cant see from all of this crying so i fall. I fall straight down to the pavement and hit my head really hard.

As im having my panic attack i start to close my eyes very slowly. I cant breathe i know Niall is going to be so mad at me i cant handle all of this on my own nobody knows whats going on in my head and i don't know how long i can take it. I look up as much as i can and see Niall running towards me with harry and Lilly. it doesn't look like anybody else is with them but i cant tell cause as soon as i see them cross the bridge i close my eyes.

I don't open them because im just way to exhausted. I can feel myself letting off the smallest of breaths im not moving just everything hurts. Im not crying anymore im on the ground in a tight little ball not moving and i feel someone touch me.

At this point i don't care what happens to me. I hear someone say shes not breathing but i am breathing. im making sure i take small breaths. i feel warm hands on my shoulders messaging them and feel someone place something cold on my head.Ive never had a panic attack this bad before and this is really terrifying me.

I feel like i just ruined this entire picnic which is not going to be good later tonight. I just messed up big time.