good morning, love | g.f

《 17 》

Numb. 

I watch my ceiling fan twirl around above me. I still haven't gotten any sleep, just been laying in bed, trying to comprehend the situation. I've gotten multiple texts and calls, but at this point, I've just turned off my phone. 

I didn't want to talk with anyone about what happened. I didn't want anyone to tell me it was gonna be okay. Because it wasn't gonna be okay, and it never will be. He was only seventeen years old. He had a girlfriend, straight A's, a scholarship sending him to the best college on the East Coast. 

A knock on my bedroom door clears away my clouded thoughts, sending me back into reality.

"Come in." I say in a small voice.

The door opens up slowly to reveal Michael, dressed up in his nice tux. He looks down at me before sighing.

"Cas, you have to go." He says and I continue to stare at the ceiling.

"I know."

 He stares at me for a long time before walking over and sitting on my bed, he places a hand on my leg and gives me a sympathetic look. 

"Come on girly, you need to get dressed." he says and I sigh before slowly sitting up.

"I'll wait outside" He says, giving me a smile before standing up and walking towards the door.

I hugg as the door clicks shut behind him. After a minute, I force myself up and head over to wear my luggage sat. I pull out my simply black dress before slipping out of my pajamas and pulling the dress over my head

I adjust it slightly before pulling out my black flats and slipping them on. I yank my hair out of it's messy bun and brush it out before pulling it into a half-up half-down look. I grab my purse and throw it over my shoulder, not bothering to put on any makeup as I walk out of my room.

I shut the door behind me and Michael put out his arm, I slip mine around his before making our way downstairs. My parents insisted we stay over at their house instead of a hotel, and after a heated discussion because I was too overwhelmed to be negotiable, we agreed. 

We walk into the living room to see my parents sitting in the living room, there heads snap up at us when we walk in. 

"Um-Are we ready to go?" Mom asks, standing up with my Dad.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I sigh, brushing a piece of hair out of my face as they give me a sympathetic look.

I narrow my eyes at them. Deep down, I knew they were hurting just as much as I was. But they weren't there in his final moments, hell, they weren't there at all. 

"Alright," Dad says "let's get going."

¤ ¤ ¤  

Black, that's all I could see in the old run down church. We walk in, immediately blind sided with hugs and 'I'm so sorry for your loss'. Most people were crying before the service even started, including my Mom, but one person caught my eye. 

"I'll be back." I tell Michael, who was talking with one of our old high school friends. He simply nods as I walk over to a girl who stood in front of Sammy's memorial, just staring at his picture. 

"I picked out this picture, one of my favorites." I comment and the girl looks up at me, tears instantly welling up in her eyes.

"Cassidy." Sierra sobs as I wrap my arms around her fragile body.

"I know honey, I miss him too." I say soothingly, cradling her head in my shoulder. 

Sierra was Sam's girlfriend of three years. She's been to every single family event since they've gotten together and everybody fell in love with her. The two were meant to be and were completely inseparable. I remember after Sam picked out their promise rings, he told me that she was gonna be the girl he'd married, and I didn't doubt him for a second.

For ten minutes, I held her before she had finally calmed herself down enough. We pull away and I gave her a sympathetic smile as the ceremony began.

"Come on, you can sit with us up front." I say, taking her hand as everyone began to file into the church. 

We walk in and I take my place in the first pew next to Michael and my parents with Sierra next to me. Michael looks to me before sliding his hand over my shoulder, making me sigh. The pastor walks to the stand with a few papers in hand before starting his service.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Samuel John Morgan." At those words, both Mom and Sierra instantly broke down in tears.

"Samuel was the son of Charlotte Morgan and Dean Price and the sister to Cassidy Morgan" Dad slips his arm around Mom to try and calm her down.

"He was born July 15, 2000 and passed on September 23, 2017." I pull Sierra close as she sobbed. 

The pastor talked for a long time, talking of his own life experience of losing someone and how he overcame his sadness before clearing his throat.

"Would anyone like to say a few words?" He asks and I look to my parents, now both of them crying and I look back up at the pastor before standing up.

I walk up the stairs and he grabs my hand, giving it a good squeeze as he gives me a sympathetic smile. I stand behind the podium and feel the eyes of loved ones, friends, and others stare me down. 

"I-I thought about making a speech." I say, glancing down at the coffin for the first time today.

"Saying how much I loved him and bringing up old memories." I say, my voice cracking slightly.

"But I knew Sammy would've wanted me to openly speak my mind, so here I am." I chuckle slightly as tears brim my eyes, but I blink them away. 

"The last time I saw Sammy, he wanted me to help make cupcakes for his girlfriends birthday. We didn't get very far before the whole kitchen was covered in flour because he decided to put flour in my hair." I say and everyone chuckles slightly. 

"I remember we called each other horrible names, yelling at each other even though the situation wasn't that serious. The last thing I said to him was 'This is your mess to clean up, I wasn't here' before I walked out the door, leaving him to finish his cupcakes by himself."

"Before I walked out, he jokingly told me he hated me. To which I replied the same." I say, cringing slightly as the church remained silent. 

"I didn't think, as I walked out of my parents house, covered in flour head to toe, that that would be the last time I'd ever speak to him." I say, biting my lip as a tear rolls down my face. 

"I didn't think the last thing I'd say to my brother would be 'I hate you too'." I swallow my sob.

"But since it was, I love you Sammy. I love you so much and I hope you're looking down on us today, saying the same." I look at his coffin one more time before walking off, realizing then that this wasn't some horrible dream I could just wake up from.