We Can Survive (Carl Grimes Fanfiction)

Chapter 23- Colored Pencils

     I seemingly wandered about in a state of exhaustion for the next few hours, doing nothing but eating breakfast until noon. Noon was when I decided I had to do something and went to see Beth and Judith.

     Beth glanced up at me, gave a weak smile, and looked back down at Judith when I came in.

     "Is everything alright?" I asked. I hated seeing people sad. Especially people who were always so happy, like Beth.

     "Can I ask you something?" She turned to me. Judith continued happily playing, unaware that anything seemingly confrontational was going on.

     "Yeah...Anything," I assured her, nodding as if saying "go ahead."

     "Would it be.. okay with you if... well," she started, thinking hard about her words,"this is harder than I thought it would be." I smiled at her, encouraging her to go on.

     She took a deep breath and just said it,"would it be alright if Trinity and I got together?" 

     "What do you mean? Like, together?" 

     "Yeah. Together." Beth agreed, giving me the same deer-in-headlights eyes she'd given me when we first met.

     "Beth, I do not care one bit. You're a lovely person, so if you want to date my sister you go right ahead. I don't even know why you're asking me for permission. I just didn't know you swung that way." I grinned at her. She glanced down and it occurred to me that she'd asked me because she was uncomfortable with it. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat down next to her.

     "I didn't want to believe I was gay or whatever. I figured I was just lonely. But as I realized I wanted to be with Trinity more and more I also kind of realized I never felt anything for Jimmy. That's my boyfriend from when everything started. He died when we left our farm. I've never felt anything for boys but I guess at a young age I convinced myself that I did."

     "How are you even into Trinity? When do you guys talk at all?" I aksed, laughing a little at how shy Beth was acting.

     "Believe me, we talk a whole lot more than we let y'all see." she smirked.

     "That sounded so incredbily suggestive," I groaned. Beth giggled and looked back over at Judith.

     "I wish she could color something. The only semi-creative thing she can do is build with blocks or cups," Beth said, sounding as if she could hardly focus on Judith at that moment.

     "Actually, I have an extra package of colored pencils," I smiled, pushing myself off the ground, wondering how I'd never thought of that. I wanted to give Beth a few minutes to think anyway.

     I walked incredibly slowly to my room and dug through my bag, searching for the unopened pack of colored pencils. It seemed as if everyone was pairing off. I wondered whether Rick would've ended up with anyone (before cursing myself for even thinking about Rick).

     I took my time in walking back to Beth's cell. I walked past Carl's cell, my chest tightening at the sight of him. I wanted him back by my side, but pressuring him would not help. I knew that.

     When I reached Beth's cell, Hershel was there talking to her about how Judith reminded him of Maggie as a baby. I smiled half- heartedly at Hershel and handed the colored pencils to Beth, who thanked me and continued speaking with Hershel.

     I walked back out of Beth's cell, wondering what I would do then. I slowed down as I walked past Carl's cell without really meaning to. I just wanted to look at him for a few seconds. Maybe that would make me miss him a little less. After all, it had only been a little more than a day, even if it seemed like a little more than a week.

     What I did not expect to see was Carl staring down at his hands, holding his hat and crying silently. My body ached when I saw him crying. I wanted to tell him it would be alright, but I couldn't. He didn't want to see me. He looked up at me when I unintentionally let out a breath I'd been holding since I noticed him there. Our eyes locked and I couldn't look away. We stared at each other and I feared he could hear my heart fighting to punch a hole through my chest.

     Eventually, he looked back down at his hat and placed it on his head. Then, he tilted it so it covered his tired eyes, which were the color of the ocean after a storm. It made sense that his eyes were that color of dull gray, as I was sure he'd been silently suffering through a storm in his mind since Rick died.

     I didn't know whether  to quickly walk away or walk over and push his hat up. He must've wanted for me to push it up, right? Or was he just trying to be a brat?

     I didn't want to go and hide away under my sheets and cry. I wanted to fix his hat and for him to hug me and tell me everything was okay. So, I followed my instincts. I walked over, almost robotically, and tilted up that goddamn hat of his. Then, I walked quickly out of his cell. I'm not sure why. Maybe I wasn't ready to just forgive him. Maybe I was still afraid of him.

     Whatever it was, I walked  hurriedly from his cell and out to look around for paper, realizing Beth didn't have any for Judith.

~Author's Note~

*Sigh*

I know, not that long, not that interesting, not that great of quality.

I'm really sorry you all had to wait two freakin' weeks for a new chapter. I am disappointed in myself. -,-

I've just been kind of sick. I don't know if that's what's been making me exhausted or if the exhaustion is making me sick.

#FirstWorldProblems

In other news, I made two new (internet) friends this week yaaaay. One of them is very attractive.

Trinity and Beth thoughts?

Not sure why, but I've been wanting to make them date for a while now.

WHy D0esn'T Cawrl juSt FReaKin TAlk to HER? CMOOOOn cArl yoURe betTeR than ThIs.

Oh and I'm thinking this book will go for 30 chapters. Still some stuff I want to happen before the book ends. =D

Love, a very tired Julia