It's an F'ed Up World and It's No Two-Player Game ~ Boyf rieds (Be More Chill)

It's an F'ed Up World and It's No Two-Player Game

TW- suicide

~

I wake up to a bright white light.

This is it. I'm dead.

"Jere...? A-are you finally up?"

A warm hand gently lays itself on top of my cold, lifeless one. I instantly recognize it.

"M-michael...?" My voice is raw and hoarse.

"Jeremy! You're up!" He leans down either hug or kiss me, but decides not to at the last second.

"You idiot!" He shouts at me. "I was so worried!"

"Why-... why am I not dead yet? Mikey, why am I still alive? I-I don't wanna be here," I cry out.

"Wh-what?" Michael stuttered. "What do you mean? I-I almost broke your bathroom door down wh-when I heard you f-fall. Then I g-got you h-here. And y-you've been out of... out of it for almost a-a full day now." His voice is wavering as he speaks. It makes me want to burst into tears, but I don't have the energy to do that.

"B-but Mikey!" I manage to get out. "Michael, why d-didn't you leave me? I wanted to die, and I couldn't even do that right! Everything about me makes me wanna die!"

"Jer-"

"No! I-I just wa-" I cut myself off by entering a painful coughing fit.

It feels like my lungs are on fire. I'm about to cough up some important organ or something, I swear. I keep wheezing and choking and coughing until a thought crosses my mind. I'm supposed to be coughing up flowers, but here I am, not coughing up flowers.

"Wh-where are they?"

"Where are what?"

"The-... the flowers! The roses, the petals..." I catch my breath and calm myself down.

"The Hanahaki? Jeremy, that's been gone for a long time now,"

"Th-that's impossible! I-I still love you!"

Nothing is making any sense.

"And I love you too,"

"No you don't!"

Fucking hell...

"Yes I do, Jeremy."

"You can't just decide to love someone once you get in his pants, Mikey. That's shallow, especially for you,"

I bite back tears, but to no avail. I hate that I cry over every little god damned thing.

"It wasn't that, Jere. I'm not that desperate." He takes my pale, trembling hand in his own and looks at me with such a longing I can't help but swoon. "I-... I've always liked you. As in, I've always liked you in more than a friend. But I never let myself develop feelings that go beyond feelings that you would have for a crush. I knew it wouldn't end well. If only I had paid a little more attention, I would have seen that you felt the same. If only I had been a little more daring and bold, I would I have confessed to you. If only I had been a little bit braver, you'd be okay right now." As dramatic as it sounds, a single tear fell down his face, but it was soon followed by another and another.