In Love With My Mobster Best Friend (mxmxm)

THIRTY: LOST

Media: Lost On You – LP 

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Heath's POV

I had half the mind to run back into boss' apartment and demand him to release Coe to my custody. Into my arms. He didn't deserve Coe. He only realised how much Coe was worth after he lost him. I knew the whole time that Coe was a gem, and I treasured him the moment I could. I didn't make him cry, I didn't make him lose sleep, I didn't hurt him. Boss didn't deserve him. I did. 

I wanted to rip Coe from boss and point my own gun at him and tell him that we were happy before he came along and decided that he was suddenly jealous and interested in Coe. Why now? Why didn't he realise his feelings for Coe before I got a taste of him?

How do I let go of Coe now? 

But how could I fight against that? Against boss?

The anger that boss had shown clearly meant that he was jealous. The way that he grabbed onto Coe, the way he held his arms as though Coe was his possession and he was keeping it away from a thief - me. The way that he looked at me as though I was the scum of the earth when I had all his trust before. The way he looked at Coe's lips as though he was going to do something about it to erase my mark on him. 

Fuck. 

Coe stood a chance now. They stood a chance now. Who knows? They might be together now. In each other's embrace, making love.

Fuck. My stomach churned painfully and I fought the urge to hurl. I slid down the door of boss' apartment onto my bum, finding it impossible to walk away from the doors of his apartment.

How could I go back to my apartment when I know what's not going to be there waiting for me? How do I go back home when I know that Coe was not waiting for me in my bed, our bed, but probably in boss' bed? How could I lay in those sheets that we had tumbled about in, when I Coe might be tumbling in boss' sheets tonight? 

God, how do I erase the time that I have spent with Coe? How do I erase Coe? 

I can't. Shit. I won't. 

I can't help thinking that boss would get to hear the sounds that I have heard when we were intimate, touch the places that Coe was sensitive at, kiss Coe the way that would unhinge Coe's rational mind, making him beg you to do all sorts of things to him as long as he was thoroughly loved and attended to. 

I curled my hands into fists, slamming them into the marble floor I was sitting on, ravelling in the pain that radiate through my knuckles. No, I don't want anyone to see Coe in that state. No. He was too vulnerable and easily manipulable in that state. Anyone can take advantage of him and he wouldn't be able to fight back. Least of all to fight back against boss. 

Fuck. I sighed, running my hands through my hair. 

This is all fucked up. 

I should be happy for Coe. After all, this was all he wanted. The attention from boss, for boss to finally look at him the way he wanted to be looked at. Coe would be happy, Coe should be happy that boss was jealous of us. I should be happy that Coe is finally getting what he wants from boss. I should be happy. I should be happy. 

I can't. I can't be happy. Why do I  have to be the one to give Coe up? 

But what do I have to say against this? How can I fight for Coe when we started out only as something to keep his mind off of boss? I was supposed to only be a distraction for Coe.