Secret Wings [Remus Lupin]

Chapter 5: Freedom is Mine

He was taunting me, trying to break me into a rage. It was working too, I could feel myself losing control. I would get that letter.

"Give it to me." I whispered fiercely. I didn't really talk above a whisper these days, I was afraid to.

My father looked surprised, and I didn't blame him, I was too. Where had this courage come from?

"I don't think I will." Father yelled, as he brought out his lighter from a pocket. There was no way I was going to let him burn my letter to ashes, so I did the unthinkable. I lunged for my letter.

Unfortunately I didn't really think this through, so I failed. My father just moved it from my reach and laughed. He had the nerve to laugh.

"You stupid little girl!" He yelled. "You are never going to go to that school!"

I for once didn't even flinch at his raised voice. I looked right at his rage twisted face and into his dark eyes and I saw madness. But as I looked deeper I saw what I suspected to be there all along. Sorrow. Guilt. And longing for my mother.

I noticed my father was no longer yelling, but was looking at me with a glazed expression, like he was under a trace. He looked peaceful and happy, as though remembering something. Confused I waved my hand in front of his face and he snapped out of it.

"Why you little freak! How dare you use your powers on me!" he yelled. "You are no daughter of mine! An abomination is what you are! you shouldn't even exist!" He then reared back and slapped me across the face.

I cried out in pain and fell to my hands and knees. The slap stung but not as much as his words. He called me an abomination. Something unnatural. I felt the tears roll off my face as I sobbed quietly and awaited the next blow. It didn't come. I looked up at him with my tear-stained face. He was looking at me and in his eyes I saw regret and guilt.

"Angels shouldn't cry." he whispered. Angel was his nickname for me, but he hasn't called me that since my mum died. I was in my knees in front of him in shock.

This has to be a dream, I thought.

"I know you miss her." I whispered to him. "I feel the same sadness you do. She didn't want to leave us you know, and she would want you to be happy."

By now my father was sobbing on the couch. I could tell by his body language he was hurting, I didn't want him to hurt, I hated it when people were in pain. I saw his hand reach under the couch cushion and pull something out. He sat up and faced me, looking me strait in the eye. He had a gun, I realized.

"I'm sorry, my angel." He whispered.

He put the gun up to his temple, and before I could do anything, he pulled the trigger. The light left his eyes, his blood spattered on the couch. And I just stood there.

I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. My abusive father just commuted suicide right in front of my face. I felt sad because even though he turned into a monster, deep down I still loved him. I felt mad because my only surviving relative just left me, for his own selfish desires. But he was sorry in the end, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to forgive him just yet. In time though, maybe I could.

I looked away from my lifeless father and to the ground where my Hogwarts letter was, from where my dad dropped it. I picked it up and cried with relief.

I was leaving. I had my freedom, and I was going to take it. But I was going to miss my once happy home. I grew up here, I was born in my mum's bed. A part of me didn't want to leave, but the stronger part of me wanted to go to Hogwarts. I looked around the living room one last time, but instead of remembering it like it is, I remembered it like it was before.

The fireplace heating the room in the corner, while my father lounged in his recliner with his muggle newspaper and coffee. The morning light creeping through the lacy curtains, making the room have that lazy feeling. The couch

was white with blue pillows and there was a matching chair. The walls were covered with Mum's art projects, my favorite being one of our back yard. I could just imagine my mum humming a tune as she cooked my favorite, chocolate chip pancakes.

I didn't realize I was crying until I opened my eyes to the present time living room. I turned and ran up the stairs and into my room, and started to pack my clothes into my magical backpack, a gift from my mum. I got all my books from under my bed and all the other hiding places in my room, and packed them all up. I packed up everything I thought would be necessary, when I realized I would need money for my new school supplies.

All along dad has kept food in the house, but where was he getting the money? Gambling! That's it why didn't I realize that before. He must keep a stash of his money somewhere. He kept his gun under the couch cushion, so maybe that's where he keeps his money.

I ran back downstairs, no longer caring about how much noise I make, I ran through the kitchen and into the living room. My dad's lifeless body on the ground, in front of the couch. I felt my throat tighten at the sight of his blood on everything. I walked robotically towards the couch, and lifted up the cushion, under there was a bag filled with muggle money. I sighed in relief, and stuffed it in my bag.

I took one last look at my father, and felt anger and sadness. And guilt. I could have stopped him, and made amends with him. We could have become a family again. A small broken family, but a family none the less.

But that's all just hope. False hope. My father was a broken man, broken beyond repair. My mother's death torn him apart, made him something he wasn't. Just like me. I turned around and left my house, for what I hoped to be the last time.

I was going to Hogwarts, nobody was there to stop me now. I relished my freedom, and I walked to The Leaky Cauldron, never once looking back.