Papercut | Akutagawa Ryūnosuke; AR [✔]

18 → Memorial

My mind is debating right now. It was almost five in the morning, the skies now shifting its colors from black to a yellowish purple hue. Some teachers start to come to school at this time of the hour, and they might sense all the human activity all the way here. Ira was still quite alive but barely breathing, her eyes shut and blood flowing in different directions.

My head was still filled with hate and anger, but slowly it was starting to fill with other things that I am not even thinking of in my own will. I was starting to see a scenery of a birthday party in a mansion, a woman in her 40's and a man of the same age. From the looks of it, both share features that Ira exhibits now.

It has begun. I killed Ira and the magic of the contract is finally happening. The punishment of the contract that the moment she starts to die, all of her thoughts and memories will be transferred to me. I thought it was all a big joke, but now I realized that it was no joke at all, and that I am starting to see the very first memory that she attained in her mind.

All of a sudden I wanted to turn back time. The more that she is starting to die off completely off this world, more of her memories come to my mind unconsciously. I got a glimpse of her miserable face for one last time before I ran away from the scene of the crime.

I went back home to hide, Gin still asleep so I had to keep quiet for now. All I see now are Ira's memories starting from childhood, and later on until I reach to the point of the very last thing that she was thinking of. This will be annoying for the rest of my life; why did I even think of doing this in the first place?

"It is when I've endured of it so damn much, that in the end, I find out that I am the greater fool for loving you and you didn't really appreciate all of what I've done."

This sentence from Ira kept on coming back for me. Just as I thought of having myself disappointed from those standards that I have set, in reality, I didn't. I may not have gotten to the top, but I've gotten what I secretly wanted to have. And when I thought that my world will be repainted, it all goes back to black and white.

Stupid.

5:52 AM, I can confirm that Ira is now truly dead, judging from how rapid her thoughts and memories are coming for me. I have reached that point wherein I can see from her point of view like it actually happened to me in the past. Right now, I see a room with an older girl tearing down her posters in rage.

"Maia, please stop all of this," a younger Ira spoke from the memory. "He is not worth crying for! There are a lot of other guys out there, r-right?"

The girl stopped the rage and approached Ira, tapping her on the shoulders. "Y-You're right, Ira. I am sorry, but please do me a favor... when it's your turn to fall in love, do not choose a douche? Do it for me."

"I will. Don't worry."

This memory makes me feel bitter. She has kept a promise to her sister -- a promise to avenge her sister's fail relationship (I assume). And yet, having to think it this way made me realized that her own master has killed her; the one that she has been looking up to.

Sounds like a douche to me. Great job, me. You did your job well.

Hours later, since Gin joined in to help with the decorations, I've been told that Dazai found Ira at the garden. It was a suspicious act from her to leave early, and the fact that she didn't tell Dazai where she was going has grown to a big issue. Dazai may already get the idea that this is all my doing.

The graduation was canceled and a memorial was to be held tomorrow for the whole day until Sunday evening. Graduation will be moved to a further date that is to be announced by Fukuzawa very soon. All props and decorations were torn down and kept hidden once more with respect to the dead.