Papercut | Akutagawa Ryūnosuke; AR [✔]

17 → Four A.M.

Unacceptable.

I refuse to accept all what is happening right now, how the events have turned in a blink of an eye. I swear I thought having to get a useful assistant would finally make me achieve what I have been longing and yearning for so many years. She who has endured with the pain; she with the innocent look every time we train.

She... She who had made me feel guilty for hurting her.

As quick as my dreams disappeared was the same speed that I lost all sorts of feelings and pity towards her.

I laid down on my bed, throwing the brown envelope somewhere across the room. Rage fills my head as I continuously bang my fist against the gray-painted wall. I wanted to resist all of these thoughts that are flooding my mind. I don't want to do that thing -- not to her.

But the more that I tell myself not to, the more that I wanted to do it.

I attempted to close my eyes, wanting to drift to sleep so I wouldn't think of it any longer. The situation got worse, and I was even able to see her in clear vision in my mind. Soon, even my conversation with Mori a while ago started to fill my thoughts.

Gin still wasn't home and is most likely at school with Ira, so I grabbed my phone to open the messaging tool. Revealing my wallpaper upon unlocking, I stared at it for quite a while. It was a stolen shot taken by my sister of me and 'her' at the cafe that we always go to. Her teacup held upward, matching with her smile that reaches from both ends of her ears. Meanwhile there was me, just looking at her in all seriousness, taking a sip of my tea.

Stop it, I told to myself. I went to the settings and removed the wallpaper, putting it back to the default black and white background that I used to have. Going back to the messaging tool, I pinged Gin a message, telling her to get me back some food along the way.

Below Gin's thread of messages was obviously Ira, still showing the last message that she sent a while ago. We have no school tomorrow in preparation for the graduation on Friday; some teachers and students will be decorating the venue and stuff. The next and last time that I would be seeing her would still be on Friday.

Screw it, I couldn't help myself anymore. The act is unacceptable and I couldn't have my mind at peace.

And besides, what could possibly go wrong if I dispatch from that rule from the contract?

Navigating my thumb to the thread, I tapped on the glass screen, opening the long thread that I never had the plan to delete. My two thumbs made my way through typing a straightforward message; no more, no less.

Me:

Meet me at the garden at 4am. Do not be late.

As usual, I got an immediate reply from her saying 'yes'. It was only six thirty in the evening and I will most likely sleep after Gin gets back.

---

The skies were still in pitch black, moon positioned just above the ground scenery. Stars were still twinkling like bulbs in the sky. All I could hear was the wind blowing against my face, the rustling of the flower bushes, and my own clothes being blown by the wind. I was here quite too early -- I wanted to be here first.

It was only ten minutes after the devil's hour, and here I am alone within school grounds. I slept for about four hours only due to the fact that my mind has not come to a state of peace. The scene between her and Dazai kept on coming back in my head, plus the one that Mori had told me.