We Watched the City Burn

Chapter 29

A week or so later I am finally well enough to return to school – it should be said that it was not my choice to return, Aurora’s mother made it a requirement that I’d graduate or I couldn’t live with her.  If it were up to me, I’d hide under a rock for the rest of my life; here’s why: rumors. I know that some twisted story of what happened got out and infected every small mind in that blasted hell of a school and when I return everyone is going to demand details, like it’s their business, like I’m obligated to answer. I won’t answer, I don’t talk to anyone but Aurora and that’s the new rule.

I’m certainly not a chatty Cathy by any means; most of my talking is mumbled one word replies, croaks and cracking voice, weak from lack of use. I still have a hard time speaking out loud, truthfully, whenever I open my mouth, I’m waiting for Him to reach out and strike me. At night, I wake up in a panic, my own hands tight around my neck, the ghosts of His hate and perversion washing over me, making sleep nearly impossible.

It’s true what they say, when something like that happens to you, you always feel dirty. Guilty. Like you did something to call those actions down upon you; but I was a child, his son and I trusted him to protect me from the monsters of the world, not become the most frightening one in it. I trusted my mother to always be there for me, and she’s been gone for years, without so much as an explanation, and now I’m living on a sofa bed, sharing a room with a large amount of stuffed ducks having night terrors and jumping at every noise.

Life never works out the way you want it to.

Aurora is watching me pick at the cereal in my bowl, a worried expression on her face; she’s as worried about this as I am. My return to school, I mean, not the soggy flakes in the bowl.  She’s become sort of protective of me, which I can’t decide if I like it or find it irritating, I think it’s both.

Aurora’s mother left a few minutes before, wishing me good luck and pecked Aurora on the cheek, I make it a point not to look at these displays of motherly affection, it creeps me out. Instead I nodded, and continued my staring contest with my breakfast.

After the flakes have turned to mush, I carry my bowl to the sink, dump it, then spend entirely too much time scrubbing it clean – I’m stalling, I admit it, but can you really blame me? This is going to be utter hell, and I am far too tired of a day tour of Satan’s bachelor pad. Aurora finally grabs me by the elbow and drags me out of the house, not releasing her grip on me until I’m belted into the car, with the child safety locks on. If she thinks I’m desperate enough to leap from a moving vehicle, she’s right.

“Matt, I know you don’t want to do this, but I wanted to remind you that you don’t have to answer anyone’s questions about anything. What happened is between you and…him and no one else needs to know.” Aurora’s voice was choked off; I didn’t need to look at her to know she was near tears.

“I know. I just really…can’t. Do. This.” I stabbed my nails into my palms, and crushed my eyes shut, wishing more than anything that I could just go back to bed, and come out when I felt strong enough to return to Life. But I couldn’t hide in bed anymore; I had to face the world and every nosy person in it some time. Besides, we were already more than half way to school.

Aurora parked as close to the exit as we could, and sat with me in the car until the latest possible to moment, then, when I crawled out of the car, legs shaking, ready to puke on my own shoes, she went right to my side and took my hand firmly in hers.

“No matter what happens today, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” She whispered, squeezing my hand.

More than anything in the world, I wanted to believe her.