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by azure_

by azure_

It's strange because

It's like a plot of a novel.

It's like someone made

Everything

Up, because it actually happened-

This is happening.

I'm living a lie, in secrecy,

And no one will ever know-

They can't know.

Because it doesn't matter- in a way.

Sometimes I feel things,

Sometimes I don't.

The self-loathing is deeply ingrained.

And the knowledge that this is all temporary

Both holds me back and pushes me forwards.

Maybe the problem is

I cannot romanticise him

I should not have ever romaticised people

Because now no one will be good enough

He is nice, he is kind and makes me laugh,

I care about him of course.

I find him attractive but after everything,

Even when he said I was beautiful

I think my feelings are to confused

And I have a choice to make.

Sweet boy, our timing is shit.

Maybe one day everything will align for you.