The Girl That Care Forgot ✓

25 • I Like You

Terrence blinked slower this time. “What? Did you just—” he pursed his lips before speaking again. “Why are you apologising?”

“Because…” Eva searched her head for what a right response should be. She needed to watch her words like she did with Logan. She had to say the right things; only then can she move with other people. Only then can they like her. “Because, um, I shouldn’t be yelling at you. I… it isn’t… I shouldn’t do that. I can’t get angry.”

“Okay,” he nodded slowly, as if trying to understand her. “Why can’t you get angry?”

Eva was blinking rapidly, at an utter loss for words. “B-because— I, uh… you, um, like you said, you’re supposed to be a friend and— a-and, that means that… that you should be able to like me, right? Friends like each other.”

“And you think people wouldn’t— you think I wouldn’t like you if you got mad at me?”

Eva nodded. “I— I need to be good, don’t I?” she asked, pulling her brows together, cornflower blue eyes peering at Terrence in hesitance.

“And why do you think you showing your anger doesn’t make you good?” he asked, bewildered. “Good people get angry too. You’re allowed to show what you feel. You’re allowed to have thoughts and emotions of your own, Eva… where is all this coming from? Did someone tell you you’re not good enough?” He looked angry, a look Eva had never seen on his soft face before. But she also knew the anger wasn’t at her; Terrence seemed to be upset about something else.

Eva thought it was honestly fascinating— she’d expected to upset him, the way she always upset Logan. But for the first time in so many years, she was directly in front of an angry face and the particular emotion wasn’t directed at her.

“Listen, you make friends by being yourself, okay?” he was telling her in a kinder tone, a small smile dancing on his lips. “That’s how you get people to like you. By not being afraid to show your emotions and speaking your mind. That’s how the right people find you and stick by you.”

Eva shook her head. No. No, she was… she was a good-for-nothing. Maybe what Terrence said applied to other people, but she knew in her bones it wasn’t the same for her. Why couldn’t Terrence see that? She couldn’t speak her mind— she always said the wrong things. Logan got really furious when she said the wrong things. There were two teeth missing from the back of her lower jaw as evidence. That punch had literally knocked Eva off her feet.

“No,” she argued decisively. “No, I can’t— I am not like you… or others. I don’t get things right. I always do the wrong thing, okay? I—”

“You say nobody would like you for who you are?” Terrence spoke softly, looking at her earnestly. He lifted his arm and reached towards her face. Eva’s breathing faltered. Something was happening; she didn’t know what. “But, Evelyn, someone already does.” His forefinger travelled down the side of her cheek, along her jawline and all the while, the tenderness never left his touch or his gaze. “I already do. I liked the girl you were back in primary school and I like you just the way you are now.”

THUD— THUD— THUD. Eva’s heart was banging mercilessly against her ribcage. She couldn’t breathe. No. NO. This was wrong. He was wrong; Terrence was completely and wholly out of his mind.

She slapped his hand away, glaring at him with such venom in her eyes. “You don’t know anything!” she spat, her hands shaking as she gathered all her materials, deciding instantly to switch seats.

Terrence looked crestfallen. “Eva, I—”

“You’re wrong,” she told him vehemently. “You’re wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! You know nothing. You’re just as stupid as I am. Logan was right— he’s always right.”

“I’m not wrong,” Terrence said quietly, but his tone was firm.

“You are,” Eva told him, the cold glare in her eyes still present as she stood from her seat and looked down at him. “You’re weak. Boys don’t act the way you do. You’re not supposed to say stupid things. You’re not—”

“Wait, you think I’m weak because I’m gentle towards you?” Terrence looked positively horrified. “Goodness, Eva, listen—” But Eva didn’t listen.

She hurried away to the furthest corner of the class, putting a good distance between herself and that insolent boy.

What did Terrence know? He didn’t know of Logan’s iron fist, or his bone-crushing grip that always left bruises. Terrence didn’t know of Eva’s skin being accustom to burns, bruises and gashes. Terrence didn’t know of Eva’s ears knowing nothing but profanities, criticisms and condemnation. And Terrence most certainly didn’t know of Eva’s existence being treated with negligence, cruelty and inferiority.

Nobody knew.

And nobody will ever know. They wouldn’t know as long as Eva believed in her bones and in her mind and in her heart that she deserved it.

Why else would she have been the one caught in Logan’s sights, if not for fact that it was something about her that drew him in? It was something about her that fed the rage inside her stepfather. Something about her and her alone.

It was her fault and she needed to pay for it. Nobody was going to tell her otherwise, certainly not some boy with red hair and pale blue eyes who thought Eva was worthy of kindness.

Eva wasn’t worthy of her own mother’s love and protection. Who the hell was Terrence?

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Written on; 28th April 2017
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Idk, writing this chapter made me sad. I hate how low she thinks of herself :( and how she shuts out Terrence cause he's the first male to probably touch her with gentleness rather than violence :/

Now I'm making myself even sadder, ugh

Anyway, thanks for sticking around guys :')

Xoxo