Perfection [ warriorcats fanfiction ]

{ thoughts in the river }

why
why
why am I here
why am I asking myself
questions
I already know the answers to
why did I tell myself
lies
lies that
I somehow believed
things like
"I want to do this"
I thought I wanted
I thought I wanted to be here
I thought I wanted
I wanted
I wanted this
I thought
it was what I was meant
to do
I wanted
the power
the power of deciding
between life
and death
and calling it
service
to my clan
I thought
I could maybe
make a difference
change
something
something for what I thought
was the better
"for the good of the clan
as a whole"
and that meant
perfection
complete and total
perfection
of every cat
every
every
I did not know
I did not know this would happen
I did not think
I did not
and
the morning
in the morning
you were born in early morning
the sky was pink and blue and gold
and I wondered which would be the color
of your eyes
and
when you opened them, it did not matter
because you could not see anyway
but
I loved you
I loved you anyway
and you never heard me say it
instead
the word
the word
"imperfection"
a constant curse
a constant curse
an unforgivable punishment
and I killed you
I killed you
I killed you
I killed you
I
        killed
                    you,
                              my
                                        daughter