color blind | e.d

xv. the final straw

I was still upset at Ethan's family for making me feel the way I did the other night, but I couldn't stay mad because of Ethan. He needed me, and I needed him.

So that's part of the reason why I caved in to seeing him and being able to hang out without any interruptions. Maybe this would clear some things up. That's the real reason why I came.

The first thing Ethan does when he sees me is pull me in for a tight, warm embrace. We held each other like that for a couple of minutes before he lets go and lets me inside him home.

"I bought us a couple of movies and some snacks and drinks. Tonight it's just about you and me," he says, his voice weird. It was different!

"What is wrong with you?" I question, eyeing him up and down as he entered into the kitchen. A moment later, he comes back out, his eyes also weird.

"Don't worry about me. I'm good, I promise."

"No, something is troubling you!"

"April, sit down," my boyfriend says firmly, his eyes now avoiding mine. I do as I'm told, watching his every move carefully.

"Why did you really come?" I swallow, licking my lips and picking at my fingernails. My heart was racing. Did I really want to go there today? It was supposed to be our night, and I would be ruining it.

"I came to talk about your family and mine, too," I say defiantly, trying so hard to seem brave and tough like no one could tear my walls down. I became the old me.

"Tell me, anything. I'd rather you be blunt with me than to sugarcoat, especially when it comes to ordeals like this." Ethan has definitely changed within the last twenty-four hours.

Used to, he would flinch at the mentioning of us not being together and how his family would react. He'd grimace, frown, argue. Now, he doesn't even bat an eye.

Which begs to differ the question: was he starting to believe them? Was he finally weakening under their powerful and cruel words? And worst of all: was he giving up on me?

If so, I were to leave this instant, fuck around and pretend I never knew him. He knows I'd do it in a heartbeat, just not at the moment.

"I don't think we're going to last," I start off honestly. "You and I... our families... they already don't like our kind mixing together."

He's deadly silent, soaking in my words. I know what he's doing. He's waiting for me to finish so he can explode and point the finger at me. It hurts that by the end of the night I'll go to bed without him.

"What your grandmother said was uncalled for." I suddenly remember my thought from that night. "And you knew she wouldn't like me! You knew this was going to happen!" I rage at him. He closes his eyes to hold in the anguish building up within him.

"How could you? After everything we've been through. The fights, the hugs, the encounters, the judgments. YOU LET ME DOWN."

By now I'm screaming at him, crying and choking pathetically on my tears.

"I HATE YOU. I HATE EVERY OUNCE OF YOU ETHAN." My words seem to have cut too deep.

"You don't mean that," he says slowly, his eyes glassy and sad, but also full of hatred. I gawk at him.

"You underestimate me."

"I love you."

"No the fuck you don't," my hand comes in contact with his jaw, a loud smack sound filling the empty void in the room. I shove him against the couch, but he bounces back up to his full height. He doesn't intimidate me.

"April, stop." His voice is too even. He's controlling himself from hurting me.

I punch his chest, shove him into the wall, fight him with everything in me.

"April, I'm warning you," he says more urgently this time, yet I don't listen. I keep fighting. This was the final straw.

His large hands wrap tightly against my arms, using so much force to shove me into the wall that I'm positive that I've fractured something. The wind gets knocked out of me.

When I look into the pretty light brown eyes of the human being I used to love, they are full of hatred, despair, but also hurt. My breathing has become labored.

"I sacrificed everything I had for you and me to work. I sacrificed my friends, my family, my peers. I SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR YOU!" Ethan yells so loud that it scares me and makes me flinch. My arms are throbbing.

"What don't you see!" His voice begins to shake as I realize he's crying. "I'm doing everything I can. EVERYTHING. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? I DESERVE BETTER APRIL."

My whole body tingles in regret as I realize the damaged I've caused. Look at where it's driven us. Ethan finally lets me go, and I collapse to the ground with sobs. He stands over me silently, his breathing starting to even out.

He storms off to his room upstairs, slamming the door behind him. In that point in time, I knew I messed up. This was not right.

Grayson unlocks the front door with a box of pizza in his hands. "Hey, I have pi-"

His eyes avert to where I'm sitting, and he sets the pizza down before attending to me. I'm hysterical.

"Are you okay? What happened?" I shook my head, burying them in my hands. "Was it Ethan?" All I can do is sit there.

Grayson rubs my back, being very supportive of me. We stayed like that for a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, or maybe an hour. We never knew. I feel asleep in his arms though, with the clenching ache of my heart in my chest.

Needless to say, that night was the worst one for me. The pressure, the anger, the heartbreak. We both knew it would come to this. Just not nine months later, of course.

I don't remember much of that night, if I'm honest. The only things I remember are falling asleep in Grayson's arms, then being drove home. I remember falling asleep crying all over again, and clinging on to dear life of the last memories and the best memories I've had.

And I remembered seeing Ethan at the top of the stairs, his eyes bloodshot red, expression so unbearable to look at. It was so faint that Grayson didn't even catch it but I did.

"Forgive me."

a/n
the very last chapter of this book! i've spent nine months writing on this, and i've enjoyed the journey that came with this. more later on. 🤞🏽
-signedethan💓
++last updated: 4/25/17