Eren X Levi One Shots ❃ Ereri

Imaginary Friends

My parents liked the phrase 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'. Soon enough, it felt, that had become their motto. I was fifteen when they had given me my first sketchpad: 'get it all out on there' they said. Although, their words rather lacked lustre. Nonetheless, I loved it. I drew and drew and drew until my hand began to ache. I got all my emotions on the page- just as they said.

So, when Levi ripped up one of my mother's favourite tops, she said that I earned my punishment. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. So, repeating Levi's actions, she took my sketchpad and ripped it to shreds. 'It was him, it was him!' I cried, the tears streaming down my cheeks in waves. 'It was him! I wasn't me!' I cried again but my mother didn't listen. She never listened.

And, on it went. My father's book fell apart, my favourite did too. My mother's favourite mug was smashed, mine was smashed too. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But, why was I getting punished? Why was I getting punished for everything Levi did? Why couldn't they see him for God's sake?!

The cupboard soon became a distant memory and I found myself with less and less possessions. Yet, when I finally broke, there was still surprise on their faces. Why didn't you see it?! Why didn't you see the young boy with stern grey eyes doing all this?! Why did you think it was me?!

The day I broke, I was sixteen. I had been in my art class when I had snapped my paintbrush in half and sent the splintered half in the direction of my teacher's (the sly man with a wrinkled face and a knack for punishing students) eye. He was less than impressed. I was sent to the headmaster's office without hesitation. This time, I couldn't shout that it was the man gazing at me adoringly, (he always liked it when I messed up- did something I wasn't supposed to do) his raven hair covering his usually steely gaze. All I could see was his sinister smile as the headmaster told me what he was going to do: call me parents and send my home for the week.

That was exactly what happened and I knew from then, they would hold it against me forever. Everyone breaks, some more harshly than others but it seemed that the boy with the bright blue eyes and the fluffy brown hair would be the one to break the worst. I would be the one to break the worst.

After that incident, I was pulled out of school. My parents were terrified of my future but it seemed they were even more terrified of me. I suddenly, without warning, was alone. I only had one person left: Levi. My destroyer and my only friend.

I was sixteen and Levi still hadn't left. It was a surprise to me, my family and it even seemed that Levi too was surprised that he hadn't gone. Not that he wanted to go- he had spoken clearly about the topic and he, without a doubt, wanted to stay by my side. To do what? I was unsure. I was scared, even. But without him, I was alone.

I didn't think I could deal with being alone. Not again. Not ever. Everyone had abandoned me and I wasn't about to let Levi did the same.

A year later, just after my seventeenth birthday, they finally sent me to a professional psychiatrist. They were nice enough, Hanji was their name. A bit crazy in my opinion- seemingly contradictory as a supposedly insane person treated other rather insane people.

After a week of talking, her conclusion was final. I was going to the mental ward in my local hospital. My parents were nervous, more so than I but I accepted my fate as I walked through those doors- a smile shining on my face.

That was probably what made me most insane of all. Throughout everything, that smile was still on my face. A joyous one too. No darkness, no hint of being fake. A true smile...as if I had lived a much better life.

Then, the medication started. I was terrified. Because, as the days went on, Levi appeared less and less. When he did, he looked afraid- more so than I had ever seen him. He was stoic, even grumpy sometimes. He represented all things bad. He was all seven sins. I didn't think fear was one of them.

The days ticked by and soon he became a memory. I missed him deeply, enough to give me panic attacks and tantrums but none of that mattered. According to the doctors, if I continued to take those damn pills, I would stay healthy.

I didn't think I was healthy. I was broken, more so that I was before. I couldn't be more dead inside. I had never felt more empty. Levi was gone and I wasn't anything without him. He was another half of me- maybe the bad half but no doubt a part of me. Even when the darkness is ripped out of you, you aren't just left with the light- you are left with space where the darkness was meant to be, one even light can't fill.

Now eighteen, and still on the medication, I was sent to a new home. Each apartment space was occupied by someone just like me. Someone deemed wrong by society, medicated and sent to this rather nice facility. I almost felt glad that I had been given this opportunity.

The people were friendly, kind and my friends. They began to fill the gap that Levi left. One I couldn't fill myself. One that no one else had ever bothered to fill. There was one person in particular. She ran the place, wasn't like the rest of us but she was better to speak to than anyone else. Petra was her name. She sat at her desk in the lobby and was glad to talk to anyone of us. Especially me.

We talked for hours. About what I had been through, about what I was doing now. I told her my entire story. Never once did she interrupt, she just listened. She was the first to listen and actually...actually do something. Levi listened but never cared. My parents didn't even listen in the first place, they made their judgement before I could even speak. Sure, I was a hard kid to manage. I had an illness as the doctors kept on saying. It wasn't their fault...I still blame them anyway.

Soon enough, another year passed and Petra had heard my story and had made sure to tell me what was normal and what was not- confirm the things I wasn't sure of. But, with that, this new found happiness, it was time for me to move out. Or ordered out.

My parents were the one to buy me the apartment (though it was more likely they didn't want me home than wanting to buy me one). It was lovely, spacious. Too spacious. I found, as weeks ticked by, a was more and more isolated. I felt suffocated by the silence. The darkness loomed over me. That empty space in my heart that had been filled with my friends (even Jean despite his annoying nature) was now beginning to feel hollow again. I was alone...too alone.

Hanji was the one to bring up that I should get a dog at my weekly check up. I had agreed immediately. I loved dogs. Levi hated dogs- he couldn't stand the mess they made. I wanted to a dog. I wanted to punish Levi for what he did to me. He was the one who got me into trouble. He was the one who made my parents hate me. He was also the one who got me to where I am today.

I should be indebted to Levi.

I wasn't, though.

Levi was gone.

That's why, when I got the dog, I called it wings. The wings that gave me freedom.

word count: 2360

published: 08.05.17