Life In the Pain (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 3

The next day, I wake up feeling more refreshed than yesterday since I actually got some sleep last night. I didn't hear Ben at all and when I go outside to get in my car, I don't see his. He didn't come home last night and I hope that he doesn't for the rest of the week. That would be great, but I know that it is just wishful thinking. 

It is pouring as I drive to school and I can hardly see out my windshield. When I finally make it to the busy parking lot, I rummage around my dirty backseat in hopes of finding an umbrella. It is no use and I throw the random stuff back onto the floor. I grab my bookbag and sigh as I prepare myself to get soaked. I get out and sprint to the doors even though it's not going to save me from getting anymore wet. When I can feel that my quiff has been flattened, I slow down until I come to a walk. 

"Move," I say as I push past people waiting to get in through the doorway. Once I make it inside, I am immediately warmed by the building. I continue to push people out of my way as I head to my locker. 

I twist in my combination and grab my books for my first few classes. I throw them into my bag that is tearing at every edge. It will break any second. I know that I need to get a new one, but I don't have the money for that right now. After tonight I might. 

"Hey," I hear a voice say from behind my locker door. I move it so that I can see the familiar face.

"What's up?" I ask, shutting my locker completely and beginning to walk.

"Just loving this rain," Ashton says sarcastically as he points to his flat hair.

"I feel ya, I'm pissed."

"So you wanna come to Michael's tonight?" He asks.

"Uh, I actually have something that I have to do," I say and I can hear the hint of nervousness in my voice. "Maybe tomorrow though?"

"Oh, okay..." He trails off. "Yeah, that should be fine."

I nod and we continue walking to our first class. I change the subject in hopes of him not thinking anything of what I am planning on doing tonight and I don't mention Zach's name. 

As we pass people in the hallway, I catch a glimpse of bright red hair. It makes its way over to me and soon enough, Myra is standing in front of me. I look at Ashton and nod for him to wait for me a few feet away.

"Hey," she says. I have to look down since she is so much shorter than me. Most people are.

"You wanna get together tonight?" I ask her, in hopes of taking advantage of what I didn't last night. 

"That sounds fun, what time will you be over?" Shes asks as she chomps on her gum. 

"Probably after school lets out," I answer. We agree and she heads the other direction. I make my way back to Ashton and we resume walking to class.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

In my last class, I almost fall asleep constantly and I try to find something to do to prevent that. I look around the room and see a brunette girl looking extra good today. 

you look good as hell 

I write on a piece of paper and fold it up. Luckily Ashton sits in between me and her, so I pass it to him and point to her. "What's her name?" I whisper to him once she receives it. 

"Uh, I think it's Taylor," he whispers back.

"Mr. Irwin? Do you have something you'd like to share?" We hear our teacher say loudly.

"Nah, I'm good." We both laugh.

"Then keep your mouth shut so other people can learn." He goes back to teaching and Taylor looks back at us with a smile. She passes the note back to Ashton before he hands it back to me.

that's super random, but you do too ;)

I smile at the words and sloppily write back.

i just couldn't help but notice. what do you say we hang out tonight and i can get to know you a little better?

For the remaining minutes of the class, we agree on me coming to her place after school. When the bell rings, Ash and I quickly leave the room and head to our lockers.

"So what was that all about?" He asks as he comes to my locker from his. 

"Oh nothing, I just told her she was hot." I almost let it slip that I am going to hang out with her, but catch myself when I remember that I ditched him and the guys tonight. It's not that I don't want to hang out with them, but Zach and I have something to do later and the guys would get suspicious if I just left out of nowhere. 

Instead of asking more questions, he laughs and we walk to the parking lot. Luckily, I see Taylor get in her car and am able to follow her to her house after parting ways with Ashton. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"Damn, that was nice," Taylor pants. I roll onto the other side of her and breathe heavily as well before getting up. "Leaving so soon?" She asks as I begin putting my clothes on. 

"Yeah, I got shit to do." I say. 

"Well thanks for giving me a good time," she says with a wink.

"You're welcome." I smirk and throw my shirt over my head before walking to the door. "See ya."

I never regret doing what I do. Sleeping with girls is kind of like a drug or alcohol, it relieves the pain that I feel. It takes my mind away from reality and lets me feel good without having to think about anything else. I'm not interested in all that sappy shit: cuddling afterwards, telling them how pretty they look even though their hair and makeup is all crazy, kissing. I feel nothing towards anyone that I have sex with and I don't feel bad for not giving them what they want. They get to have sex with me and that is all they need from me, nothing else. I've been asked how I can continue to do it, and I tell them the truth. It's easy. It's easy for me to get with someone and then forget about them as soon as we're done. Sometimes I want to feel bad, but I don't. I don't feel anything anymore, not since everything that I loved disappeared from my life. The girl who showed me everything, gone in the snap of a finger.

Like magic.

I drive and concentrate on the music, trying to escape my thoughts. It's no use as they are always there, haunting me every second. Except for when I get the feeling of a high from someone else. I use girls. I can't help it, but I'm not ashamed of it. 

I go home and take a long nap until it is later in the evening. When I wake up, I grab my stuff and head over to Zach's. I don't even try to be cautious, for I know that Ben isn't home, at least not yet. Luckily I plan on staying over at Zach's tonight, so I won't have to see him at all. It's a good day when that happens. 

"My man," Zach greets me as he opens the front door. "Come on, we gotta start getting ready."

We head to his room and gather the items that we will be needing for tonight. He shoves them all in a black bag and we quickly change into new clothes. When we are ready, I grab the bag and follow him to his car. He blasts some music, but when we get close to our location he turns it off completely. I look down at the clock and see that it is now a little after midnight. For some reason, I am starting to get sleepy. He pulls into an empty parking lot and turns the car off. He pulls a black ski mask over his face and I quickly do the same.

"You ready?" He asks.

"Ready," I whisper.