Stargazing [BoyXBoy] [UNFINISHED/CANCELLED]

.:1:.

I slowly walked up to her desk, toying with the sleeves of my hoodie, wondering what she needed.

"I know it's the end of the day, but are you free to stay for a few minutes? It's okay if you have a bus to catch or one of your parents is waiting-"

"No, um, I can stay, I usually just, uh, walk home," I mumbled so quietly that she asked me to repeat myself, so I did, although my voice was barely any louder. Miss Mellow seemed to have caught on this time though.

"As we are in the middle of the current semester, the class is halfway through working on a composition project. I was wondering if, by any chance, you had been working on something beforehand which you could use as your final piece? If not, then you're going to have to start from scratch, which will be a problem, but I'll always be here to help," she explained in a sweet voice.

I contemplated this. In my previous school we had been working on compositions too and I did, indeed have a ready and finished piece, but I was worried about having to perform it. Talking in front of people already made me want to pass out so having to sing or play piano to someone was too stressful. But I would have to do it anyway so I realised there would be no point in pretending I had nothing.

"Well, I have this, kind of, piano piece thing," I said, rubbing my elbow nervously. I purposefully missed out the part about it being a piece in which I played and sang at the same time, because I would rather die than sing in front of Miss Mellow.

"That's great! Is it completed?" I nodded shyly. "Can you play it for me? I'd love to hear the extent of your ability."

She was way too enthusiastic about this and the idea itself made my eyes widen. Play it? Here? Now? I really, really, did not want to do anything of the sort. I was not terrified of performing, but more of the idea of messing up and making a fool of myself. Even if it was just to my teacher - and that Vic guy at the back of the class who was unplugging the keyboards and probably did not care much - it still made me so anxious.

"Do I have to?" I whined desperately, but my voice still kept so quiet. Sometimes I wished I was not this shy.

Miss Mellow nodded and I begrudgingly sat down on the piano stool, gazing down at all of the daunting black and white keys. They reminded me of the teeth of this monster called 'anxiety' who wanted to eat me up alive during any social interaction. I looked to my teacher and she gave a reassuring smile, so I took a deep breath and began playing softly with an arpeggiated D minor chord. As I went through the song, I could feel my hands getting progressively sweatier which, in turn, made my breathing go uneven in fear of messing up. My heart was beating against my ribcage like a hammer and I could hear the roar of my blood pumping through my thin veins. I was feeling lightheaded.

The piece was going well and I had played everything correctly,  until I came to the bridge. I was so stressed I felt like passing out right there and then. My hands had been shaking so much at that point that I completely messed up my key change and I felt as if my life was ruined. As soon as my finger landed on the wrong note, I instantly stood up from the seat in a desperate manner, face as red as a tomato, and blurted out, "I can't do this anymore."

I felt like throwing up from the embarassment, so I balled my fists instead, feeling my nails dig into my skin. Miss Mellow had heard how badly I played and I also noticed that the keyboard boy, Vic, was gazing in my direction too. Oh god, all I wanted was to turn invisible and cry for the rest of the day.

"Wh-what? But, Kellin, honey, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes," Miss Mellow said in a typical teacher voice, looking surprised and taken aback. "It happens to everyone, there's no reason to be upset. It's fine, you can try again."