good for daddy {h.s} • #wattys2017

sign of the times

i hum in delight, picking up my knife and fork and digging into the delicate meal in front of me.

there is little talking while we eat, but no lack in conversation; our knees share a friendly quarrel, bickering and occasionally just putting pressure on the other to see who would win.

arlo takes the crown when his left hand lands itself on my upper thigh. he squeezes slightly and his fingers run back and forth on the inside of my leg.

i open my mouth to shoot a quick remark, but arlo interrupts before i can utter a sound.

'i have no idea what you're talking about,' he says, taking a sip from his mug.

i just shake my head, laughing and pressing my face into my palm.

'i have some errands to run today; my friend is moving out of his house and i'm going to help him, and then i have to pick something up from the post office. but after, we're going on a trip, okay?' he looks at me, smiling and finishing off his waffles.

'okay. but, one question - how long is this 'trip' you speak of?'

'not long, not far. you'll only need clothes for overnight. and don't freak out, because i know how you worry, and it's nothing to be worried about.'

god, sometimes i regret telling arlo things about myself, or even acting like myself around him. his mind is a fortress, it takes in everything about me and just locks it up for later. he never fails to tell me something new about me that i, myself, haven't noticed.

'alright. well, have fun helping your friend. i think i'm going to go for a drive. get some fresh air,' i rise from my seat, taking my plate to the sink and rinsing it.

'i'll try, it's just lifting heavy furniture,' he scoffs, 'i'll most likely just sweat a lot.'

'hm, maybe i'll come watch you getting all sweaty and out of breath,' i wink at arlo as he steps up beside me to wash his own plate in the other sink.

'don't tempt me, angel,' he smirks, turning to me and encompassing me in a strong hug.

i push away, laughing as his hands unexpectedly tickle my waist. it's times like these that my mind will be plagued with thoughts of who could be holding me. instead of arlo; this beautiful person who's been beside me through everything he wasn't.

i swallow my thoughts, suddenly feeling faint. i push arlo's hands away gently, and he recedes into himself, a frightened look on his face.

'ju-just give me a second,' i walk down the hall to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. my heart is beating like a hummingbird's, and my breathing is erratic. i haven't had a panic attack in months, why now?

i don't know what brought this on, but i can't open my eyes or uncover my ears for fear of hearing arlo calling to me. why did i think i could get over harry? i can't do this, i'm not strong enough. not strong like arlo.

i can't believe i was so stupid! i actually thought that i could build a new life; start over and move the hell on. boy, i was wrong.

my shoulders heave with every shaky breath i take in, and i'm not oblivious to the thumping on the door next to me.

'just fuck off, will you?!' i scream, and i notice the hot tears running down my face. i instantly regret screaming at arlo, but the banging stops along with the faint calling of my name, and that's all i want.

i'm so selfish for trying to find something i lost within another helpless soul. i know how much arlo cares about me, and yet i continue to toy with him like he's for my use.