I watch as everyone rises from their seats, their backs facing me as we all watch the two large joined doors open slowly.
A tear managed to escape from my eye and was soon followed by dozens as my hopeful future flash before me like a vivid dream. Coming home every day and every night to the most beautiful woman in the planet, standing by the door and a child whom I believed would potentially become the best part of me--aside from my loving wife.
And that's when my heart stopped.
Gasps were being heard as the opened doors revealed nothing but Perrie's father. His eyes--though far away from mine, was sending out an apologetic gaze to me. It was the kind of gaze that all people recieve when something or someone decides to leave them. The old man was shaking his head apologetically at me, as he mouthed the words: "she's gone".
"Okay, I am so done with your . . . 'I'm okay' act, Jade." Jesy slammed her palm down on the countertop, the resonance bringing me back into reality as I blinked repeatedly. Jesy shook her head. "You are going to talk to her, Jade."
"No, I am not talking to her," I said. "I am fine, Jesy. In fact, I feel great. I don't have to worry about anything anymore. I . . . I fucking feel fantastic!"
"No, you are not, Jade." Jesy raised a finger in front of my face just when I was about to speak up. "You're not okay, Jade. Trust me. You're never okay but you're acting like you are. And do you wanna know why? Because you don't want to accept the fact that you're not okay with what happened. Because you don't want to accept the fact that Perrie left you in the altar and look at you now. You're pretending that everything is okay when it clearly isn't, pretending that whatever happened yesterday never even happened at all but Jade I can see it in your eyes that you're devastated."
I continued to stare at her, utterly dumbfounded for I idiotically figured that I was proficient in bottling up my emotions and keeping up the pretentiously calm facade, that I was brilliant in hiding what I am truly feeling from anybody, including Jesy. It wasn't until now I had realized that Jesy isn't fatuous and would always see or at least conjecture what is wrong with me. And for a brief moment did I scold myself for being too predictable.
I heaved a deep sigh, my back leaning against the chair, giving my fingers a brief scan before I fixated my gaze on this shiny silver ring. Dreadful memories of that day had once again polluted my mind and I closed my eyes for a few moments, pondering whether or not those memories were for real and had veritably happened to me. I heaved a deep sigh before reopening my eyes once more, my gaze meeting Jesy's.
I sighed, "She left me."
"I know," she said.
"She . . . doesn't love me anymore," I whispered.
I peered down at my clasped hands, waiting for Jesy to respond to that one, only to recieve an unexpected "uh oh" from the brunette. I looked back up at her, furrowing my eyebrows as Jesy's gaze seemed to be fixated in one place.
"What?" I asked.
"Now I know why exes aren't allowed in your wedding," Jesy says, her voice dropped down to a whisper as if we're unknown wanted criminals who are desperately hiding in disguise.
"What are you talking about?"
"Just . . . don't look behind you if you don't want to die," Jesy says.
I arched an eyebrow. "I'm not gonna die, Jes," I said as I slowly turned my head.
"I'm begging you right now to not look, Jade."
But I swivelled in my seat to look anyway, and there Perrie was, now standing beside Luke as they peck each other's lips just in front of the restaurant's glass doubled doors. My jaw clenched when my eyes landed on their entwined hands, seeing how tight they clutch each other. Jesy was right. I shouldn't turn around, I shouldn't let my curiousity flame up inside me, I should've just followed a simple order. Because seeing Perrie's lips locking themselves with another pair of lips that aren't mine is basically an equivalence to dying.
