Illicit Adoration

Back to Step One

*Callie's Point Of View*

I sat outside the bathroom for what seemed like hours. Derek had locked himself inside, and honestly, I was too fearful to bother him. All was silent, and it left me anxious; my mind wandering off to every awful thing that it could fathom. Forty-five minutes never felt so long to me.

After what seemed like years, I saw the light of the bathroom switch off beneath the crack of the door, and right after, the door began to open. I stood quickly, my eyes meeting Derek's. I frowned at the sight of him. He looked so sickly- with bags under his eyes and his skin a ghostly white. He sighed deeply, and pushed gently past me. I watched him walk to the kitchen and pick up an apple, then lean sulkily against the wall. My heart hurt. Clearly, something was wrong... and to think of my Derek hurting killed me.

I approached him slowly, watching him inspect the apple. He placed it back on the counter, and stared to the ground.

"Derek," I whispered, getting closer to him. He scrunched his eyebrows, and gripped the edge of the countertops.

"Yes?" He replied, but did not look at me. His pale cheeks now burned a fire-like red. I placed my hand on the counter beside his and raised my eyes to meet his. He pulled his hand back quickly, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Please tell me," I said quietly, moving my hand to the curve of his hip. His muscles tensed beneath my touch, and he turned his head quickly to look at me. "You know that you matter to me, please," I whispered, scratching his skin through his wrinkled shirt hoping to calm him.

"I think you need to leave Callie," Derek stated suddenly, pushing me away with his free hand. My hand disconnecting with his body shot a pain through my arm and directly to my heart. What could have happened?

"Please Derek, please..." I choked out words, tears begging to fall. Strength was something Derek had deprived me of. I was captive to his heart, his touch, his being. Him.

"You know how hard this is for me. You can't possibly think that this doesn't hurt, can you? It's not my choice," he stated coldly, running a hand through his slicked back hair. He looked a mess. I sighed, my gaze falling. I watched a tear fall from my eye and hit the cold, linoleum floor. It seemed to shatter and dissipate to nothing- just as my heart was in the moment. I held my breaths, containing the cries that wanted to escape from my mouth. Mt stomach twisted. This entire pursuit has been nothing but a never ending roller coaster. One minute everything in the world seems to be okay... and the next, we're a disaster.

"Not your choice? What is that supposed to mean? You are a grown man! I think-"

"You don't get it! How many times do I have to tell you? Not only that, but suspicions are spreading like wildfire, Callie! My coworkers and your principal, well, former principal, knows something is up. What if I lose my-"

"Job. Yeah, I get it. But if you let me go now, just know that..." I breathed in deep, and my eyes met his. "I'm gone." I stated quietly, trying to hold my composure. Telling the man of my dreams goodbye for good hit me like a train. I leaned against the refrigerator and tried to catch my breath. Derek's eyes fell back to the ground, a sad looking lingering on his face. Suddenly, he quickly walked away and threw a punch at the fridge, making me jump. He turned back the hall and slammed his bedroom door. I broke. I fell to the floor and broke into sobs, tears spilling into my hands. No matter what I did, things always went this way. 

Hours passed, and I found myself sleeping on the couch. I didn't remember falling asleep or for that matter even moving to the couch. My eyes wandered, and there he was... sitting in his recliner, the TV lighting the room enough that I could see him sitting there asleep. He wore only boxers and a bath robe that had fallen to his sides. I swallowed hard, my gaze stuck on the hunk of perfection before me. My heart took control, and I stood, quietly making my way to him. My hand reach out and caressed his face. He moved sleepily, leaning into my hand on his face. 

"Please don't hate me," I barely whispered, and he took in a long, deep breath then opened his eyes and looked up at me. I quickly withdrew my hand, and looked down. The TV lit up his blue eyes, and every part of me melted. My heart felt as if it were bearing a hundred knives, and as if there was an unbearable weight on my shoulders, I sunk to the floor. Derek reach out and grabbed me by the upper arms. 

"Callie, what's wrong," he asked, his voice deep and raspy from his sleep. The sound took my breath away, and I let out a quiet cry at the thought of ever not hearing it again. 

"Don't do this to me, oh god please don't leave me Derek," I begged through a strained voice, holding back oceans of tears that wanted so desperately to escape. I grabbed his hands and held them tight- holding him close to me while I still had the chance. I looked at his hands and noticed a black and blue bruise on his knuckles. He flinched at the touch of my fingers on it, and pulled away his hand. 

"I'm not..." he whispered, and pulled me up into his arms. I leaned into him, my arms around his shoulders. His hand on the back of my head, he pulled me into him and kissed me on the forehead. "I don't want to be without you, please don't think that I do... I'm just so scared Callie. I don't want you to be in any kind of trouble."

"I'll go through anything to be with you... please..."

"It's not what you have to go through, it's what WE have to go through. You know how hard this is," Derek said quietly, turning his head to look at the floor. 

"Just tell me what I have to do," I said quietly, raising my hand to touch his bare chest. I ran my fingers over the soft skin beneath my fingertips, embracing every little moment and every bit of him. Derek had every bit of me, my being, and my heart. I'd never felt this way before... for anyone.

He sighed, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. "Love me," he said quietly. "Just love me, that's all you have to do. You have no clue, Callie." Suddenly he stood, holding me bridal style in his arms. I held onto him, my arms around his neck. He carried me back the hallway and put me down on his messy bed. He put his hands on either side of me, and bent down so we were face to face, his lips nearly on mine. "What have you done to me?" He groaned, and put his hands on my hips, leaning in to put his lips on mine. I reach out and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down so he was straddling my small frame. His hand wandered lower, resting on my hipbone. 

"I do love you," I whispered, my eyes locked on his. "I've loved you for so long..."

"We'll make it Callie. I want to make it. With you. Only you, understand?" He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I nodded, and ran my fingers through his hair. 

"Only us." I whispered, falling further and further into Derek Jett.