Illicit Adoration

Leave Me like You Always Do

Soon enough, Callie's doorbell rang. It obviously was Derek, but she looked through the peep hole anyways. She saw him standing there in a black T-shirt, with blue plaid pajama bottoms and his saddle shoes. He looked so disheveled, his combover in a mess, bags under his eyes... It broke her heart. He didn't look like his usual happy self. He looked so... Torn.

Callie opened the door, and looked up at Derek. He sighed, and pulled her tightly into his arms. She fell into his embrace, throwing her arms around his waist. A gentle moan escaped his lips and filled her ears. Having her back in his arms, it felt so right.

Seemingly too soon, the embrace was over. Callie invited him inside, and sat with him on the grey leather couch. The city lights left a dim reflection on the shiny wooden floor in the darkness of the living room. All was silent. Callie just stood by the window, staring over at the Liberty Place. It was her favorite building in the city. Derek didn't say anything, he just sat staring at his folded hands in his lap.

"Why are you here," Callie asked bluntly. She tried not to show the emotions she felt through her voice. Derek just slumped in his seat, and took in a deep breath. He knew why he was there, but he didn't know why he gave into it. He didn't know why he let himself slip up.

"Because, I fucked up," he said shaking his head. He stood up and turned his back to Callie. A shot of pain coursed through her chest. Did he mean what she thought he did?

"What do you mean, Derek? Look at me," she said softly. She was on the verge of tears, and if she said much more, she would break. She needed to show strength, but she just couldn't keep the composure.

"I mean I shouldn't be seeing you," he said quietly. He ran his hand through his hair. "You're my student, Cal. I'm putting myself on the line, your education on the line, and above all, this is illegal. If anyone knows we'll end up-"

"God, Derek!" Callie broke, throwing her hands in the air. "One week! Dammit! Nobody has to know! I'm legal, I'm eighteen! For fucks sakes, Friday night you begged me to never leave you, but look who's leaving me, you. You said... You... Said you love me..." Callie took in a sharp, shaky breath, and let it out slow. "I thought you meant what you said. I thought we would have something special. But I guess that was a lie too. Why can't you just make up your mind? I can't keep doing this shit! I can't have you admit your love, then just fall off the face of the damned earth. I can't play games, Derek. I just... Do you want me? Yes or no? If you do, stay. If not, there's the door. And when you walk out that door, that's it. We're completely done, as lovers, friends, even acquaintances." Callie sobbed as she spoke. She knew what she said was right. It was what had to be said. She couldn't do the on-off thing with him.

"I want you, but I can't have you. I'm sorry, Callie. I hope you understand. Maybe one day you'll come around," Derek said, tears welling in his icy blue eyes. He took the few steps to the door, and put his hand on the handle. Callie couldn't believe what she was seeing. Everything she loved more than life itself walking out her door. Her heart sunk, her tears spilled, and her knees gave out. She fell to the ground, sobbing violently. With a last turn of his head, a second of eye contact, and a wave of pain, Derek Jett was gone again.