CHAPTER 4

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It's been one month since my first group studies with Arham, after that we kept talking and meeting in school hours and at times during lunch. We could have met after school as well but I couldn't make excuses often to stay back nor I wanted him to get distracted during his practice and want him to relax after the match. Gunjan started to tease me and him, of course, only to me. I didn't know when from getting annoyed to her jokes I started to like them. I enjoyed his company very much, and I started to develop feelings for him without even me realizing it.

'Nowadays you are smiling a lot' my mother had commented once, was it that obvious?

One of the many things that I liked about him was that he balanced everything well, he managed to not offend me or Nooren and their friends, nevertheless, Nooren was offended. But I was more than happy that he is talking to me.

One more month passed and my feelings only intensified. I started to listen more of romantic songs, my favorite being Pehla nasha...pehla khumar, it is the perfect song to describe my current situation.

I lock my room play the song on my radio and dance around like a loony having a silly smile but a radiant glow on my face. I dance with my top, dupatta, imagining being with him. At nights I sit by the window thinking about him, starry eyed. I imagined myself in many romantic songs, dancing with him in mustard farm, on mountains of Switzerland. This feeling is something that I had never felt for anyone, was this love? I didn't know neither I cared.

We are now good friends, but we didn't share landline numbers as I didn't want my father to find out I am friends with a boy, he is very conservative type.

In class I find myself stealing glances at him and at times when accidently he looks at me too my heart flutters, butterflies soar in my stomach.

When things started to get serious Gunjan landed me back on my feet

'Dude, it is just an innocent teenage crush...it will pass' she says at lunch, I stop munching my noodles and look at her.

'But dude, I know my feeling is intense...it isn't just a crush...I think I love him' I say my tone firm, I am sure of myself and my feelings.

Gunjan shakes her head 'but he doesn't...'

That was it, the realization strikes me. I have been day dreaming of him and building castle in air but I didn't realize that even if my feelings for him is intense but his isn't. Not once did he give me any sort of mixed signals, he had always been my friend and only a friend. I drop my spoon back in my tiffin. This has to stop before it goes out of hand.

After the talk with Gunjan I started to maintain my distance from him. One week passed, I somehow managed to suppress my feelings and also manage to avoid him. First two days it was tough but then I get accustomed. Arham didn't stop pestering me, asking me if he had done something to upset me. He even apologized and at that point I felt guilty.

One day, I am last one remaining in class jolting points after chemistry class, rest went for lunch. Someone slam their hand on my book, I look up and to my bad luck I find Arham standing there. I look away back into my book, he then snatches my book.

'What the hell?' I say trying to sound angry but it came out as a whisper.

'What is wrong with you...' he says holding my hand, my hands are so plump that he will be needing two of his hands to hold me yet he manages to hold me tightly. It doesn't take me much strength to jerk my hand out of grip.

I stand up 'I am not answerable to you' I say, this time my tone was what I intended, stern.

'I need an answer' he says taking a step blocking my way 'like an idiot I have been running behind you...I need to know why you are avoiding me?' he says

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