The Abandoned Life of Kayla Boshkin

Mom+Dad= ?

Nice to see you Diary,

         Its been a couple of weeks since we last encountered one another. Did you miss me? Well after my grounding I thought you did but I guess you didn't. I think we will need to get closer for you to have some sort of feelings for me. So today we will talk about my parents. Now regularly I would have to even hear someone mention them to me, but my Aunt was on the phone screaming about them and I needed an entry. So remember how I told you that my parents are dead. They are but they aren't. In my mind they have died same with Aunt Jess. My family filled with distant memories that I will never be able to obtain ever again. So you know that my family is filled with devout Christians. My dad was a pastor and my mom was a choir leader. Now you might be asking, why my life is so bad. Well you should wait I am getting to that part of the story. My mom met my dad on a Church retreat and it was love at first site. When my dad was in the seminary he married my mom and graduated. He became a minister in a small congregation and things were looking up. My sister was born then me and my not so brother. You see my life fell apart when my mother had a miscarriage. I blame many things my Aunt, my family, God, and me. Now you should know that the miscarriage was not natural.  I told you that I saw my Aunt twice when she went away to Arizona. Those times she came back to Los Angeles she would constantly fight with my mom putting strain on the baby. Family life also took a toll on her. My grandparents died to heavy alcohol poisoning. Then one day at choir practice she fell right at the alter and that fall led to the devastating blow that killed my little brother. Fell right at the feet of the Lord. After that fall everything slowly changed. The congregation told my parents to hold on. They said that God would make a way and I believed it. I knew that God would save us give us salvation. Peace. Things only got harder. My parents jobs were not paying the bills and we were not making ends meet.  My dad jumped from job to job while working at the church. I remember him sitting at the alter and praying to God hoping that he would remember and reward his servant. Later on we go evicted from our home. But we kept the faith. I believed with all my five year old heart  that things would get better. So we ended up living in the church. We lived and ate and bathed in that church. I spent everyday praying God that he would help us. Hoping that he would remember us. I wanted a sign. ALL WE WANTED WAS A MOTHER FUCKING SIGN!!!! If only I was born a boy none of this would have happened.The church shut down and we were left to live with a friend that my father had out in Colorado. It was my fathers fault you know. He wanted to be traditional. He never went to the government for help. But he destroyed tradition later. He got a job with that friend of his doing illegal stuff. I don't remember exactly what because I was only 5. My sister promised that we would get out of this because the eyes of God were watching us. And as foolish as it was I believed her I had hope once again. My sister Amber had awoken the fire in me. I prayed every night knowing that God would deliver me from this evil. A few months later my father got busted and went to jail for a long time. I remember seeing him get dragged away by the cops. He cursed at the cops attacking,retaliating. Screaming that he as not black that he was not a monster to be contained. The once prestige pastor now a racist piece of trash. And after that he was gone and I haven't seen him since. My mom started drinking after that and downing bottles of Advil,Tylenol, and Motrin. She claimed that it numbed the pain she was feeling. She started leaving every night and came back all drunk, high, and bruised with hickeys all over her body. One night she came back one night drunk and angry crying about a baby that he had to abort for her new boss. Something about his position and other crazy stuff. Two nights later she brought about 10 or 12 men home. One eyed me and said that they wanted to take me. I was confused and scared as my other gave the approval on ok. That night Amber saved me she defended me and fought the men back as we both made our escape into the night. Once we made it to a park Amber tried shielding my eyes and comforting me. It was no use. No amount of shielding could protect me form the craziness that is our family. All the hate, disgust, rape, jail time, alcohol addiction, drug us. Nothing that I did could erase all the bad times. I am upset about my family, but I am happy that I have Amber. Later we went to the cops and reported our mother. We were put into a foster home and things were looking up. As long as I had Amber I was happy. I wasn't loved enough to be saved from all this pain but I thank God that He gave me Amber. Just Kayla and Amber Boshkin facing the world. Or so I thought.  

A now stronger,

Kayla