Prom

twenty eight

Something snapped back into place in that moment where Harry's son in-directed him to the whole world the way he did. He was still sad and upset sometimes but a lot of that sadness had turned into just anger. Harry had gone back to work and his business was gaining a lot more success solely because of the fact that he was throwing all of his energy back into it. Harry had been in the gym working out a lot of his rage and our sex life had been thriving since that moment.

Harry wasn't mad at his son for what he said. The things he said might have came from a full place of honesty. He might think that Harry would love him for taking the credit. He might think that Harry would come looking for him after all these years for him taking this credit but it is not the case at all. Holden never knew Harry and the love that Harry had for him, that's why he is angry. Holden was spoon fed a bunch of lies his whole entire life about Harry. Holden never knew how much Harry loved him or the life he had with his father. All of this was because of his mother and the world that she raised him in, a world where Harry was a bad dad and a deadbeat rather than the world we really live in.

I don't know where Harry was going to go next with his anger or where it was going to take him. I was nervous for where it was going to lead him and I couldn't help but wonder if the anger was going to lead him to confess for the crime. The crime was still on both of our minds.

I was up at night constantly thinking about it, now more than ever. Someone was taking the fall for us and I wanted to forget about it. I wanted to graduate from college, maybe get a job, and continue my life and maybe start a family with Harry. I wanted that all to be my past and something that barely ever crossed my mind. I wanted to look back at it all with luck, the fact that we got away with murder and no one ever suspected it. It was just not the case. I had too much of an active mind and the guilt was something that would always be sitting in the back of my mind. It would cause some much anxiety in my future. My kids would never attend a prom in their lives, my kids would never be lead to the position that Harry and I were in. Things would just be different and it was hard to imagine that. 

Today was the day that he was going to be sentenced and it was all being heavily televised. When all of this first started, right after prom, it was local. Our little town and maybe some other places around us knew about it but now it was wide spread. It had reached many of Harry's work friends across the country and all the way back to us in Denver. Thinking about how we did that and how insanely it had affected the whole country more than just us was shocking. Harry just wanted revenge for the way I had been treated. He wanted the satisfaction of knowing that no one could hurt me, the constant knowledge that he was my protection, and the even bigger satisfaction of getting away with a crime. It had came with so much more than those things but most of all guilt and regret.

Harry and I would always be thinking about how we really affected these people and how what we did was so stupid. Harry thinks about his son a lot in it now and how he could have reached out and created an honest relationship with him. I wonder if Harry and I would still be together if I had fought him more on the killing of innocent people, or if we would have moved to Denver and gone to school miles away from where I had grown up. Any moment I had to think about the variables of what he did and the reality of how horrible we were, I would, and that is what I had been doing the whole drive to Harry's office. He wanted to watch his son be sentenced but he needed to get a lot of work done and I didn't want to watch it alone so we had decided his office worked best. 

I had brought some left overs from our meal the night before to eat while we watched and walked right past the front desk and to Harry's office. 

"Did I miss anything?", I asked walking right through the doors. Harry had his eyes glued to the TV. He looked over and smiled at me, pulling his chair out from under his desk. I sat on his lap and looked to the TV.

"Just establishing the crime, you know all about it", he laughed nervously, " And showing some exclusive pictures of the crime and of him."

"Nothing exciting", I added and I nodded. Holden looked so similar to Harry a lot of the time and seeing him in the prison clothes, in a court room was odd to me. I felt like I knew him and like I loved him just like Harry did. 

"What if that was us?", I asked Harry and he looked over confused. 

"That could never be us, Lana. We have talked about this a million times."

"I know, I know but what if?", I asked again, "What if, in another world, in a different world, we were in his position? What if we were caught? What if we weren't as smart as we were."

"I would take the fall for you and I would tell you to follow my every pre-planned move. I would say I planned the whole entire thing because I knew they had hurt you and I wanted you to love me for protecting you. They would never know you knew about it and you would go onto live your life without me. That would kill me and I would want you to write me or come visit me or wait for me if you could but I would know you wouldn't be able to. I would want you to go on and forget about me or the fact that I even existed. You deserve more than I can give you in the first place but in this imaginary world where I take the blame for my crime you would have a second chance at finding a better man than me and I better life for yourself."

My senior prom was on Saturday so I am updating in honor of that! Honestly, crazy how I wrote this about a senior prom when I was sophomore and now I'm a graduating senior and a piece of me was thinking about this story the whole time that night lmfao... the night went smoothly though so thank you god!!