Dark Paradise (Camren)

Decisions (49)

I couldn't calm down, much less believe that she was here, hugging me and crying along with me. I had fired, hadn't I? It didn't matter anymore. I let go of the heavy gun, letting it drop on the floor, and hugged Lauren, I hugged her with all my strength, with all my soul, I really gave all of me in fear of that being just a trick of my mind.

I closed my eyes tightly and let myself cry like I've never cried before. Lauren was no different, I could feel her body shaking with ever sob that come out of her mouth. While I cried, I wondered: Why did I fire? Why did I try to take the life of the one who showed me happiness? I don't think I'd ever have that answer. It was funny how fate always played with us. I had played the Russian Roulette, but unlike the normal way of playing, there was only one hole without a bullet. Decision made... Future defined by that empty hole... Was that a message from fate? That our lives were meant to be lived side by side? Or was it really just not her time, and much less mine? I wouldn't be able to live with the conscience of having killed my first and only love, at all.

Slowly, I pulled away from her warm arms, opened my eyes, and stared at her. It was her... With her black, disheveled hair, with her fleshy lips, and her eyes... Her damn emerald green eyes, which almost looked like a river due to the dampness of the tears that still fell down her face. I brought one of my hands to her face, and with my thumb, I wiped away the tears that escaped. Lauren closed her eyes in response to my touch and kissed the palm of my hand before pulling me closer to her and kissing me. Our lips collided, and with no hurry, our tongues touched in a caress that could be endless. And only then was I absolutely sure that it was really her there with me. I could spend my whole life kissing her without thinking about the consequences, and I wanted that! But I couldn't, not now. I ended the kiss with a long peck, and with my eyes closed, I stood still, taking deep breaths. My chest rose and fell violently, suddenly the air became too heavy. I was afraid to open my eyes and face reality. When I finally opened them, I came across Lauren's emerald orbs. She was restless.

"What's going to happen now?" Lauren asked in a whisper.

Her voice came out so hoarse and so low that it made me wonder if that question really was for me or for herself. I sighed when her hand began drawing random things on my back. Her touches made me so vulnerable. I closed my eyes and counted to three before pulling away. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, Lauren was looking at me with a neutral look, she knew things weren't alright, and so did I. I pulled myself together and faced her. Lauren, standing there, completely naked and bloody, was heartbreaking, but I couldn't falter.

"What's going to happen now? Now I need you to do what you've always done, clean up all this mess and leave the body where you've always left them. Don't call me, don't look for me. And don't think everything's fine, because nothing is fine! I need some time for myself, and you know you need it as well, don't you?" Lauren just nodded her head, letting out a heavy sigh. "Great!"

I crouched down, picking up my gun, and when I stood back up, I grabbed the rest of my things and walked to the exit. Lauren didn't say anything, and even though I had my back turned to her, I knew she was looking at me. But before I walked out of that door, I needed to say something else, so I turned around, facing the woman who was staring me.

"Oh... And Lauren, I hope you don't run away. This time fate saved me from an inconvenience, but if you run away, you can be damn sure that I'll chase you to hell if I have to, and not even fate will stop me from ending it all! This time, all the bullets will be in the gun."

*Flashback Off*

Knocks on the door and the shrill ringing of my phone brought me back to reality. Slowly, my eyes opened, and unwillingly, I turned my body, watching the screen of my phone flashing, indicating more than ten missed calls. I rolled back to my previous position, staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, and ignored all the noise around me, the white ceiling seemed to be really more important at the moment.