The Irreplaceable Me

Satisfaction.

Well, now I feel an odd sense of satisfaction but I shouldn't really tell you why. You see, I have this tiny secret that I shouldn't tell anybody. God, it's satisfying. For once, it's not one of those terrible secrets that eats you whole. Even though, I assure you, it should. In a way, the way I feel could be seen as jealousy or spite but I'm just too overly happy to even consider that. There is no way that somebody with this much jealousy or spite could be as happy as I am. I just really feel like I've won. I was always going to remain in his heart but I'd never realised how strongly I would. Just don't tell anybody... She shouldn't know. Oh, man, this is juicy. Because, you know what? Our roles changed so drastically after last weekend and she doesn't even realise. 

I keep wondering what it would be like if she discovered that he was practically my best friend again. I wonder how she would react to it. Would there be that piercing sensation of lacking? Would she try to figure out what I had that she didn't? Would it affect her at all? It's so wrong of me but I can't forget his touch. I can't forget my touch. It's so wrong of me but I want to giggle whenever I think about that night. 

The thing is I do truly feel complete again, as if everything had been resolved through that one evening. Things had been said that we could never take back and we didn't even want to anyway. We crossed this invisible barrier that had been up since we broke up and now we were back on track. Not the same track as before though. I can tell you now, that I'm not too interested in anything happening between us anymore. I'm not that interested in anything happening between me and anybody anymore. It just doesn't matter too much. It's irrelevant. 

So now I'm wondering if maybe the cure to cold turkey from the most dangerous drug of all is actually just closure.  And that satisfaction that comes with it of course.