The Irreplaceable Me

Carbon Monoxide

And then I died inside all over again. I'd never understood what inspiration was until I met you. I'd never understood much about life until I met you, to be fair. But, inspiration... You have no idea. The thing is you'll never know what impact you had on my life. You changed my everything. I went from bleak and boring to something. I mattered to somebody and you inspired me everyday. Inexplicable is the only way I can explain how you made me feel. You inspired me to be a better person. Something I'd never be without you. Two years with you and I still had hope. I was still happy. You still inspired me daily. I was still madly in love. You were all I needed! And you know what you did? You took everything I had ever loved away from me. Now, I feel like nothing. I'm lost. You took part of my soul with you. You were part of my soul. I connected with you. Why would you do the unthinkable? You supposedly loved me too? You supposedly still do? But, what am I? I thought I was someone to you. Thought that the feeling was mutual. Yet, your half of the promise... you broke it. You broke me. You ruined everything. How can you just let the only thing that's ever inspired me just walk away? How can you live with yourself? How can you think that everything's okay when it comes back to haunt me over and over again?
You're always there even when you're never there for me. You're all I seem to be able to think about. You're all I see every where I go. Finding Nemo? We watched it together. New Year's Eve? We spent it together. That t-shirt? I wore it that day we danced in the snow. The notebook that says "All You Need is Love"? Valentine's Day gift, let's not go there. That CD? The soundtrack to our love story. My hand? The one you used to hold. My eyes? The ones you used to look into lovingly. My face? You used to stroke it. The moon? I gave it to you. The book? I wrote it about us. My bed? You used to hug me throughout the night in it. That song? I sang it to you to show I felt. I could go on...
It feels like days since I last talked to you. It's been hours. It's been the same song on repeat. My head throbs to the sound of the music. There's no way out of this. But, suddenly I'm hopeful as sleep worms its way in. Maybe it'll save me. Things will look different in the morning? There's so much doubt in my mind, I end everything with 'I dunno
', 'or whatever', 'I suppose' or a question mark. It would kind of make sense if the opposite of hope was doubt. But, I don't even have my brain screwed on the right way enough to be able to tell you what doubt and hope even is. See, I don't think you screw brains on even... A head, I suppose. The worst thing is, no matter how much you've torn my life apart, no matter how much I've been messed with in the head... I'm still madly in love with you.
In conclusion, love is carbon monoxide. Peaceful death? I never should have sent him a message saying everything that I did...