10 Traps To Avoid As A New Author ✔️

Trap #4 - Show v. Tell

This is maybe advice you heard many times before, but what does it actually mean? Readers don't want to be told what a character experiences, they want to experience the events with the character. That's what show v. tell actually accomplishes.

Example I: He was nervous.

Okay, we know what's going on, but we can't really picture it. This is an example of telling. So how can we turn this around.

Example II: He chewed on his lip, his eyes darting back and forth between the clock on the wall and the door.

In this second example, we describe the nervous state of the character. The reader can't only read between the lines that the guy is nervous, but they can also relate through the description. They are drawn more into the scene and it also helps them to visualize the setting.

Show v. tell is extremely important, but just as it is with many things in writing, balance is key. Not everything needs to be showing or you will clutter up the book with too much detail. Sometimes, you just need to tell something so you can jump into the next show scene. What should be "show" and what should be "tell" is something that comes with experience, and in the beginning, overshowing is better than overtelling.

Another great way of showing is the exploitation of all five senses. Take advantage of the full package and not only what the character sees. Using all the senses is also a great way to practice show. It was my lifeline in the beginning of my writer's journey.

Example from Trapped:

I grumble something under my breath, my gaze glued on the road. The top of the hill is approaching too fast and I steer frantically to the right to make the curve. The van is not responding, heading straight for a huge snowbank at record speed.

In a panic, I yank at the steering wheel at the same time I slam on the brakes. The car swerves before turning into a spin. I lose all sense of direction as the van spins faster and faster until it is finally stopped by the force of a tree. The screeching sound of bending metal is painful. My eyes try to find a focus, but the forest keeps spiraling out of control. Dizziness twirls in my head. When the airbag blows, my face slams into the cushion, which isn't soft upon impact. Hallie's piercing scream is the last thing I hear before my head threatens to break into pieces. With the consuming pain comes the darkness which completely swallows me up.

Here, I took advantage of sight, touch, feel and sound. Only smell is missing which I could have easily added, but which might have overpowered the scene. Did this description pull you in? Could you picture the accident?

When talking to other authors, most of us agree that action scenes are some of the hardest scenes "to show", especially fight scenes. A creative writing instructor told me once that readers won't like them if they can't taste the blood. It's maybe one of the best advice I've gotten. The worst you can do to readers is making them bystanders by telling an action scene instead of making them part of the action itself. A sidelined reader is likely to close the book and will never reopen it.

Consider this scene from War Bride. It's still not perfect, but at least decent enough to keep most readers invested. Like I said, fight scenes are hard:

For a few seconds, I break free, just to gasp when a bag is pulled over my head. Darkness swallows the world around me. My breath becomes heavy; the smell of rough cloth irritates my nostrils. There is something else which takes me a second to identify-chloroform. Buzzing vibrates in my ears, getting louder and louder. I battle the assailant who is still holding me firmly in place while sweat trickles down my face. I begin to lose my footing.

Nausea crawls up my throat from the strong scent. With my last fighting spirit, my fingernails dig into his skin, a low hiss the response when I claw my way down his arm. That cat would be so proud.

The tight grip loosens for just a quick heartbeat before the two arms wrap around me like a tear proof rope. My last strength is squeezed out of me as the sedative is absorbed by my burning lungs. Muffled curses and death threats are totally ignored. My efforts only make matters worse as the throbbing in my skull multiplies, my head ready to burst wide open.

As my fading mind pulls me down, I still manage to pick up a shouted name-Shadow Chaser. That's the bastard I will hunt down if I ever wake up again, so he better watch out. After that, there is nothing but darkness as I spiral deeper and deeper into a bottomless chasm.

Show v. tell can make or break a story, so analyse your writing accordingly and practice, practice, practice!!! 😊