[Complete] A mxmxm, mobster threesome story:
I have been pretending that I didn't know. I've been pretending that I believed his lie that he was just a simple businessman. But I knew the truth. I knew the truth because we have been friends for ten...
Jared didn't say a word, and I swallowed the sob in my throat that was threatening to make its appearance. A tear slid down my cheek as I stared at the back of Jared's head. "Or would you like me to-" I licked my lips, "- leave?" I choked out, tears pouring from my eyes and down my cheeks.
I could almost hear his answer in my ears already. Of course he wanted me to get out of his life. He has been doing everything up till this point to show me how much my feelings for him were wrong. How much he didn't want anything to do with me and my fucked up confession.
Jared stood where he was, breathing deeply, before he turned his head to glance at me briefly, "Don't."
My heart shattered to a million pieces when I saw the guarded look in his eyes. Like he had to protect himself against me. Like he didn't trust me, not even with a ten-foot pole. I shook, wrapping an arm across my chest to stop myself from shaking so much, my knuckles on the hand I had around the railing turning white from gripping so hard.
He chucked his hands into his pockets and directed his gaze away from me. I broke a little more. He couldn't even look at me.
"Don't leave." He simply said, before he turned on his heels.
"Then what?" I breathed out, "Where do we stand?"
I don't think I can stay in Jared's life, only to watch him avoid me, treat me like I didn't exist because he didn't want to deal with the feelings I had for him.
Jared stopped moving. He didn't take a step away from me, but he didn't turn to face me anyway, "The same, if you have a... handle on your situation."
My situation? I wanted to cry harder and laugh at the same fucking time. He was calling my nine-year long feelings for him a 'situation'. God Jared, you are so damn eloquent aren't you?
I wanted to give it all up. Give him up. Walk out of this place before I get thrown out. Save myself the misery and the embarrassment. But for the life of me, I couldn't muster the courage to do that.
I should be angry with him, I should be bitter at his reactions, what he did last night, everything. But the side of me, the suicidal, hopeless side of me was grasping at straws in order to stay in his life. I have nothing to live for, it I don't have him.
Why? Why do I have to live like that?
"...Okay." I find myself wheezing through my tears.
The ache in my head and in my chest were competing fiercely. They were fighting to see who would kill me first. I'm voting for the pain in my chest to stop my heart from beating before my headache kills every single brain cell I have and leave me brain dead.
"...Alright then." His voice was soft, but firm.
I sucked in a breath and held it.
It's done. We're done. We'll never be anything more than friends, and I am going to have to be okay with that. I have to be, because it was either this, or not even a friendship left of us.
"We're good, right?" My voice was timid, vulnerable, like a child. I hated myself for not being stronger, for not being able to laugh it off as a joke. I hated that I chose to use this method to admit that I had feelings for him. I hated that I am lying that I would stop loving him.
Jared frowned, before he looked at me with a sideways glance, "Yes, we are."
His words were supposed to bring me relief, but why did it only make the saliva in my mouth thick?
"'Okay." I muttered under my breath, my hand clutching at my chest where it hurt the most.
"Right." Jared straightened up, before he headed for the door once again.
Heath offered me a concerned look for several moments, and I ignored him. When he realised that I wasn't going to give him any indication whether I was alright, he trailed after Jared quietly.
"Have a good day." I offered weakly, before I watch their backs exit the house, and the doors slamming shut and locking after them.
As I watch and hear the door click shut. It was like an epiphany hitting me hard. I slumped onto the floor, cradling my face, sobbing like the mess I was, realising that Jared had shut his side of the door between us, and I may never get him to open it up ever again, no matter how badly I beg, or how much effort I put in to make him trust me again.
In that moment, I wished that I never promised Jared that I would forget my feelings for him. I regretted that I didn't have the strength to walk out of his life. I hated that I was weak, and I was so God damn afraid to be alone.
I couldn't even breathe.
This is no place for me. There is no place for me.
His smell lingers.
How am I going to even start forgetting him?
∞
Eeek, my own heart breaking as I wrote this. </3
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