Crossed Lines

40.

Is it pathetic that even after everything that happened between me and Zayn, I want to protect him? Even after yesterday. I can't get myself to tell her that he made me feel like a fool. I can't tell her that she was right to doubt him in the beginning. Even after everything, I can't get her to like him less than she already does. I can't betray him like that. Not like he did to me. It makes me so mad that I don't hate him. My feelings are still the same. But I'm hurt. I'm so hurt and what makes it more pathetic, is that I wish I could run to him.

I wish he could be the one comforting me. but I guess that's impossible since he's the one wo hurt me. This is exactly why I never wanted to fall for someone. It's too painful, now that everything's over. It's hardly been a day and I already want to forget that he ever existed. I wonder if he's going on his second date with her soon. Has he already moved on? He hasn't called or texted since yesterday and that makes me even more mad. He never cared.

I am so pathetic.

I can't help but think back to the advice my mom gave me when I left. Her normal speech, to which I always roll my eyes. She told not to rush into relationships, told me to concentrate on my career rather than "boys". Boys could've always came later, but yet again, I didn't listen. I dated the first guy who gave me the light of day.

"We're not together anymore." I say simply as I take the first sip of my coffee. That's all I tell her and I know that she knows that I don't want to talk about it.

"Are you okay?" she asks. It's a simple question but it has no simple answer. I could lie and say yes. I could pretend as though he never meant anything to me. but she would know. We're practically the same person. I can never lie to her. She's knows me too well. I look at her and I shake my head no. she doesn't say anything in return. She walks around to me and she gives me the tightest hug ever.

My eyes fill up with tears and a few roll down my cheeks. I had promised myself years ago that no one would ever have the power to hurt me like this again. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry like this for someone who didn't deserve my tears. Yet I'm doing the exact opposite. For the first time I opened myself up to someone and I got burned for it. It came right back to bite me in my ass.

Cate rubs my back slowly and after a few minutes of crying, I pull back. I shake my head at how stupid I've been. I wipe the last few tears before taking a deep breath. Just then a slight pain shoots in my head and I rub the spot. Cate walks over to the cabinet and she looks through our pills.

"Son of a gun just gave you a headache didn't he?" I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah. Technically it's the crying that gave me a headache." She turns sharply and gives me a look.

"And she still protects him." She mumbles before giving me the pain pill. I smile at her before drinking it. We move over to the couch and we decide to watch a movie. I can't concentrate on anything. I can't stop thinking about him. I keep trying to make excuse for him.

Maybe I got it all wrong.

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding.

Maybe I jumped to the wrong conclusions.

But no matter how many excuses I can think of, I know they're probably far from the truth.

"Let's go out tonight." I blurt halfway through one of the movies we've been watching this whole day. Cate looks at me and she looks thoughtful.

"Sure. Where to?"

"Club?" she knows I need this. And I'm glad she doesn't ask questions. She doesn't need to.

"Let's help you forget baby." She says as she stands up. By this time, it's around 9pm and we both head to get ready.

After showering we both get dressed in our sexiest outfits. She makes us something to eat and after grabbing everything we need. We head out. We don't go to Midnight since that was the first time we actually had somewhat of a conversation. We don't go to KILAM either since well... It's owned by him. I can't help but scoff at this. I've just moved here and already everything links or reminds me of him. We head to a club called Bourbons using a cab.

Once we enter, I waste no time. I walk straight over to the bar and I order us some shots. Three each, to be exact. We down them at once and we take a moment to let the strong taste settle. I shake my head and I promise myself that tonight is all about us and having fun. I promise myself that this is the first step to forgetting about Zayn and the hurt he's caused. I promise myself that this the first step to moving on.

Cate and I move to the dancefloor. We dance together for a while probably for about thirty minutes, until two good looking guys come up to us. I have to admit; they are pretty good looking. But I can't help but compare them to Zayn. Everything is the exact opposite. Where Zayn has light skin and beautiful hazel eyes, they have dark skin, almost the same complexion as me and Cate. They have simple brown almost black eyes. Whereas they are black, Zayn is not. The fact that I start to look at things like race and freaking eye color's as "Boring" and the fact that I would rather have Zayn with me right now, kind of makes me bitter. How could I look at my own race as "simple"?

Another thing Zayn has ruined for me.

The one at my side leans down at me and whispers in my ear. "Can we buy you ladies some drinks?" I can tell the other guy asked Cate the same thing. She lifts one eyebrow at me? asking if I'm okay with that. I decide what the hell? Cate shouldn't have to hold back because I just went through a break up.

"Sure." It's not like I'm selling my soul to him. It is just drinks. We get a table and the four of us sit. Besides it being loud, we actually have a decent time. Talking and making jokes. Honestly, my night could have been a lot worse.