Bitter Sweet

15. Venting

Julio drove silently as Stephanie looked straight ahead. He didn't know what had brought such erratic reactions from her and he didn't want it happening again. He didn't know what to say as she cried. He had pulled over thinking that she needed a hug. But she recovered quickly and in a much better mood, she laughed at him for being concerned. At least she was laughing, he thought as he made a turn to Tumacacori.

He parked his car in front of her house and as he was about to get out to open her door, her voice interrupted him.

"You were right."

He stopped on his tracks and turned to her as the moonlight framed her face so beautifully. "About what?"

"When you said that abuse didn't necessarily mean physically," she turned away from her dark house and locked eyes with him. "He never hit me but he was mean."

"You don't have to tell me anything."

"But I want to. I feel like you are the only person that is genuinely concerned for me, so I feel like I should tell you." He nodded and she started, "I met Alex in college. We were both going for our bachelor's degree in pastry arts. He was tall, blonde and French. Every girl's dream." She let out a smile knowing how stupid it all sounded. "We dated for three years. We lived together for two. It was all nice, romantic dinners and all that silly stuff. But when we moved in together, he changed. He became distant and angry. He would get mad at me for every single thing that went wrong in his life. We were constantly fighting, he would yell, I'd yell back, stuff like that."

"And you stayed with him for two years? Why?"

She shrugged. "Low self-esteem mainly. I wasn't very popular with boys in high school, and it didn't change much in college either. Until he came along. I guess I thought he was it. If a guy like Alex showed interest in me, then I wasn't going to screw it up. If I messed things up with him, then I would live the rest of my life sad and alone."

"Sounds like you were under a lot of pressure."

She let out a laugh. "I know, it's stupid. I was so afraid of losing him that I did everything I could to better our relationship. I did everything he asked of me, with nothing in return. I just wanted to please him." She looked down at her hands and studied her simple rings. "But no matter what I did, he always managed to push me aside, or to make me feel like a failure. That all the bad luck he was having was my fault. I annoyed him, I made him angry, I made him unhappy. He would yell, break stuff and when I wanted to break up with him, he reminded me that there was no one else that would want me like he did. That I wouldn't find anyone else like him. And for a while, I believed him."

She paused collecting her thoughts. Julio felt like he should say something. Anything to make her stop talking the way she did. He wanted to make her see what an idiot Alex was, and that he didn't deserve her, but every time he opened his mouth, nothing seemed right. There she was, opening up to him and he couldn't think of an appropriate reply.

"So, you might be right," she said interrupting her thoughts. "Maybe I do need therapy of some sort."

"You don't."

She looked up as if baffled with his reply. "That man didn't know what he had."

She smiled at him. Julio reached for her hand but before he could even touch her, she opened the door and stepped out. He hurried beside her as he put his jacket on, he hadn't noticed how windy it was.

She leaned against the car facing her house. "I know that now. The problem is I noticed it too late."

He stood beside her. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No, but it was a matter of time." She looked into the distance deep in thought.

Julio watched her carefully. He didn't hit her, but he was close, he thought as he realized her eyes started to water. "I spoke about him to my mother. She was good. She was good at making me believe that I could trust her."

"I don't think she's babbling about it with everyone in town."

She looked at him skeptically. "She told Lacey's mom. And her mom told Lacey. And Lacey told you. That's how it starts."

He took a deep breath, why did he feel so cold, he was almost trembling. Stephanie looked like she was doing fine in her shiny sleeveless top. "I'm sorry. I haven't told anyone, and I won't tell anyone, I promise."

She smiled. "I know. I have a feeling I can trust you."

"Good," he said pleased with himself.

"Alright," she started as she pushed herself off his car. "I better go. I'm exhausted. Thanks for the ride. And for listening, I needed to vent."

He had no control over his face, he seemed to be smiling non stop. "You can vent with me whenever, you know where I live."

She laughed loudly and covered her mouth with her hands rapidly as dogs started to bark in the distance. "I might take you up on that."

He walked her to her door, mainly because he didn't want to leave her. Not yet, the night was still young and he liked her company, when she wasn't running away or screaming. Julio took a deep breath. He was nervous, he felt like it was their first date and he didn't know how to say good night. A kiss? A handshake? A wave? He felt like he was fifteen all over again.

"Have a good night, Julio," she said quietly. She reached for his arm and gave it a squeeze. And she disappeared behind the door.

He walked to his car so he could park it in his garage with a smile he couldn't fight off. She had squeezed his arm. He let out a quiet whoop and high fived himself. The act insignificant but it somehow meant the world to him.