Bitter Sweet

6. Bible Study

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Stephanie sat at the kitchen table next to her mother, both with a Bible in front of them reading from the book of Psalms. Her mother woke her up at noon, Stephanie had rubbed her exhausted eyes surprised at how she managed, yet again, to sleep for eighteen hours straight.

Her mother was not joking when she told her they would read the book of Psalms from beginning to end. They were now on chapter ninety-one and Stephanie's eyes were already hurting. The chapters were short, most of them, but something about being the Bible made her tired.

"Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart," her mother read loudly and clearly like preaching to a full church. "You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday."

She came to a halt and turned to look at Stephanie who pretended she was reading along and not inspecting her fingernails and wishing she had money for a manicure. "Beautiful words, don't you think?"

Stephanie nodded. Though she detested the words pestilence and plague, she got the gist of the passage.

"Now, here's my favorite verse," said her mother excitedly and cleared her throat before starting. "A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked."

Stephanie re-read the passage as her mother continued. That was her favorite verse? She thought agog. It spoke about punishment of apparently a lot of wicked people, like she wanted bad stuff happening to others but not her. "Why is that your favorite verse?" she asked interrupting her mother's intent reading.

"Because it says, if you stay with God, and trust him, he will protect you. Every wicked person in this world will be punished but not you, because your trust is in God."

Stephanie wanted to ask her mother if it would still be her favorite passage if she saw her husband being punished for being a drunk, or if she, her daughter was being punished for living in sin with Alex for three years. But she kept quiet. She didn't want to ruin the Bible study her mother seemed to enjoy so much.

"Alright, it's your turn to read," her mother told her.

Stephanie nodded but forgot which verse they were on. She cleared her throat making time till she could find the last verse her mother read.

"91:9," her mother told her harshly.

Stephanie nodded and started, "If you say, "The Lord is my refuge," and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent." She came to a halt as the words started to register in her brain. Perhaps that was why her life fell apart, because she wasn't trusting God with her life? Perhaps, this was her punishment for living with Alex, perhaps she brought all this on herself.

"Keep reading," commanded her mother completely unaware of Stephanie going through an epiphany.

""Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life, I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."" Stephanie was on verge of tears when she finished the chapter. Was this her mother's purpose, to make her brake down more than she already was?