Will You Find Me?

Twenty Five

~2 months later~ 

    Dean had a month left. Your dread increased every day, a knot that tied itself tighter in your stomach as the minutes passed. Dean tried to hide it, but he was terrified and miserable. Him and Willow were so close, and he didn't want to leave her. He didn't want to leave you earlier. And Sam? Sam was basically going crazy. He'd had to go through this once, losing his brother to a hell hound, and he wasn't taking it very well the second time around. It's safe to say there was a certain depression in the bunker. 

  You absentmindedly tapped your fingers against the library table, eyes reading a book while your mind thought about what you were going to do without Dean. You couldn't remember life without him, and you felt lost even thinking about him not being here with you. 

"Baby? Hey, what are you doing?" Dean asked, walking in with Willow waddling beside him. She had just started to walk a month ago, and was still trying to figure out how to do it right. You closed the book, looking up at him and smiling. 

 "Hey, sorry, I was just reading." You explained as he sat down next to you and pulled Willow up in his lap. She instantly rested her head on his chest, looking at you with her dad's same bright green eyes. 

 "Reading? What were you reading about?" He asked, and you looked over at the book. It was a dictionary. You were so out of sorts that you had been reading a dictionary. You looked back at Dean, who had a smirk on his lips. 

"Okay, so maybe I'm a little tired." You admitted. Dean sighed, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your forehead. "I know this has been hard for all of us, but you can't even think right." Dean said, and Willow nodded. 

 "Yeah, mommy." She agreed, but you knew she had no idea what the two of you were talking about. Smiling, you smoothed down her hair. "Thanks baby." You said, and she smiled proudly. You looked back up at Dean, a sigh bursting out of you. 

 "I know, I'm sorry. It's just, you don't have much time left and it's really taking a toll on me." You explained, and Dean grabbed your hand. 

"I'm sorry I'm putting you through this, believe me, I am. But there's nothing we can do, so quit beating yourself up about it. Okay? Please. Willow needs you to stay strong." He said, and you nodded as tears sprung to your eyes. 

"I know, I know. I'm trying. I promise I'm trying." You said, wiping your eyes. Dean gave you a sad smile, bouncing Willow on his leg. She looked at you with a concerned face, as if she didn't know why you had a reason to cry. 

"Hey y/n, you want to go on an adventure with me?" Gabriel asked suddenly, popping his head into the room. You looked at him to say maybe later, but the desperation in his eyes had you saying yes and going to grab your jacket. 

"Mama will be back soon." You promised Willow, pressing a kiss to her forehead before standing back up and following Gabriel out to the garage. "Where are we going?" You asked him, but he just smirked at you before getting into the passenger seat of your car. You shook your head, going to get in the driver's seat and starting up the car. 

 You drove down the road, stopping when Gabriel told you to. That's when you realized where you were. The meadow. Your meadow. You looked at Gabriel, a smile lifting your lips. He nodded, and started walking. You followed, ecstatic to be going back to your place after so long. 

"What are we doing here?" You asked, plopping down on a flat piece of grass and looking around. Gabriel sat down in front of you, smiling. 

"We're here so you can rant your feelings to me and cry and yell and let your best friend comfort you." Gabriel said, and you sighed and shook your head. You weren't going to spill your heart out to Gabriel in a plea to get sympathy. It wasn't like you. 

"Gabriel-" "No, y/n, I can tell you're suffering. And you're keeping it all inside and that's not good. Dean does it too, and if I could I would make him get it out, Willow's too young to understand, and Sam has told me about his feelings about it. The only person that hasn't is you, and that's not healthy." He said. 

"Fine. You want me to rant? I'll rant. Dean is the love of my life, and the father of my daughter, and now we're both going to lose him. All because he sold his soul to bring be out of a coma. He has a little brother that should be happy about his new marriage, but he's just depressed that his brother will be gone in a couple weeks. And Willow loves her dad so much, what am I supposed to tell her? Daddy died so mommy could live? It isn't fair. It- it isn't fair and there's... nothing I can do to stop it." By the end you were sobbing, your whole body trembling and fat tears rolling down your cheeks. 

"I don't want to lose him Gabe. I can't- I can't lose him." You sobbed, and Gabriel pulled you into his arms. You sobbed into his shirt, finally letting out all those feelings you had kept in for so long. Gabriel held you, listening to every word while trying to make you feel better. But nothing could make you feel better. You were going to lose the love of your life.