DERANGED (R. Grimes)°

Chapter 32 "i was found"

The camp was silent

It wasn't a peaceful, calm or comfortable silence

It was a loud silence, it lacked so much noise that it caused ringing to fill my hearing as my mind tried to make sense of the lack of noise, I could hear my blood rush threw my ears, I could feel the tense ocean of sadness filling into everyone's lungs

I could still feel a stining sensation in my shoulder, where carol had gripped onto me like a vice, crying into my face as she begged me to tell her where shopia was

I didn't know

I just didn't know

People gave me pity, Somthing I was never good at receiving, I didn't need the pity, it wasn't my daughter out there

It wasn't me out there

I was found

She was lost

Carls hand where harshly holding my arm, the boy being the most relived of all to see my arrival, tho alone, he held a greatful look as he ran towards me

His breathing was slow, a steady wind like sound bringing some form of life to the atmosphere, lessening the rising

Rick never seemed to brake his stare, looking towards us both, a hopeless look seeping from his darkened undereye, altough they held a look of relief and questioning

Questions I knew he wanted answers to

He wanted to ask

But he didn't

No one dared ask

Why did you run that way

Why did you scream like that

Where did she go

Why didn't you follow

But the questions could not be discovered from me, as those answers where once I searched for myself, ones I had no way of ever knowing, having no knowledge of why I did it, why I ran like I did, acted as I did, hurt like I did

I despertly wanted to control it

Mabye I could of brought her back

She should be here

She would be safe

I'm safe

She's not

She's not dead... She can't be

She's alone out there

This world doesn't get to have her...

It didn't get me... It doesn't get her

"when are we searching again"

My question seemed to awaken Carl from his peaceful state, his hold on me softening as the many tired eyes trained onto the first voice they've heard all night, there faces only illuminated by the burning fire, the rest of the world surrounded by the dark places where the moon did not touch.

But the emotionless tone was not one that was welcomed 

"when"

I looked to our supposed leader, a man who harboured the same guilt I do, his look directed at me as he searched for some form of understanding, some warmth within my eyes

He was trying to see if there was anything behind my question, the familiarity in the look told me he was searching beyond it

Bur he didn't see anything, he couldn't, he noticed my stone cold face, denying my inner emotions from showing in any detail, my cold eyes somehow burned into him, my deadpan voice not allowing him any indication of what was going on inside me