Rethink Everything.

Trust

3/6/17
9:29 and my emotions are all over the place.

When I was younger, younger then I am now, there was a person who I was close to. We were the teens sitting on a hill talking about life issues and watching the sun's blending colors fade into darkness. I would share stories with them and they would reply with similarities. This is how we spent most of out time.
In whatever atmosphere we were in, they made me feel safe. In wild crowds with many faces, and in buildings that sucked the life out of me, where I felt like my stomach was going to jump out of my body, they stood by my side. I felt a closeness to them that I've never felt with anyone else before. They held my trust like a child holds the hand of their gardian. I trusted them with my fears, sadness, and worries. I trusted that they would never spill, that I could speak my ideas and my mind aloud to them. I spoke mostly words that meant a lot, and there were some that I didn't mean. I trusted that they would just accept me. I told so much to them...
I noticed that as we would watch the hues of purple fade into black it was just me filling the silence with useless words. They would nod, and look straight ahead. I noticed that they had no advice for me, no feeling or words to say to make us feel okay. I felt like I was spilling my feelings to a brick wall. And as the darkness started to fill the sky, I asked them why... And they replied with "I don't trust you." I turned away from them, never expecting this answer. I felt the stars crash down from the sky, and of course I didn't understand why. What had I done to make them feel this way... I had never betrayed my friend, I did not understand. I slowly started to feel less safe sitting there. I started to feel the words turn into issues, and I did not need anymore issues, I started to hear my monsters creep in, they crawled in from under the darkness. I felt my love betrayed, just as my friend felt their trust betrayed. They stood up... slowly and eventually they walked away...

Every once in awhile I go back to the hill, and sometimes they are there. Sometimes I need them, and other times... I don't want to see them. I've become quieter, and learned how to speak. I don't mind not spilling my mind, but sometimes... I wish others would understand what's on my mind.

@__enlighten