Rethink Everything.

I miss the innocence

(January 24th 2017)

Summer of '14

The two of us walked along the rails of the train tracks. I was being led, I had no navigation. I would get lost in this nature if it wasn't for him. The green grasses growing up along side, the tracks seemed to divide the difference between nature and humanity.
The summer sun shines down on us , giving us sun kissed looks. I shield the sun from my eyes as I place one foot in front of the other. I tried to balance but I had a bucket of supplies in my hand and my feet were swimming in his big rubber boots... I was a little wobbly. He walked along side of me with a net swung over his back.
When ever I would lose my balance too much I could grab his shoulder. It was always there to grab onto. Sometimes my hand would fly through the air trying to grab onto something, anything! The last hope before I would fall! Somehow his hand would find mine and he would grasp my fingers between his. Holding on tight.

We followed the tracks until we found the frogs! Often times they were in the mud or the pond. The pond was filled with frogs and tiny tadpoles. We would scoop them up with our soft palms. Sometimes they would jump back into the water. Sometimes we would put them in a jar. We wouldn't keep them. We would never keep the creatures. We were always too gentle. They belonged in nature, that's what was meant to be. We would only play with them. The two of us would let them swim into our smooth hands then let them slide gently into the cool water of the pond. Releasing them and the stress.

Just as these tadpoles slipped through my fingers, after years of bittersweet attitudes and changes to our lives. I let him slip away. For the better of things, I let him go... But god damn how I miss these innocent memories!!

A few more of these souls have come into my life... Non like his though, no one like him. He were always there, somewhere in the shadow or in the background. I never noticed that until now. How naïve could I be. I didn't know any better.

I remember the times where I couldn't stop sobbing... Of course he would know with out me having to say a word to him. He would pick me up just before sunset. We would drive to some restaurant and catch them just before closing. We would grab ice cream and drive towards the river, just watching the stars and starring into the abyss. Talking about life. Talking a lot about life... Talking about ending a life, or keeping a life, talk about starting a new life, talk about staying in each other's lives...
We cared so much for each other and I never saw how much he cared for me.
But now... now that's all over.

I walk along the rails of the train tracks, and I lose my balance. Always a bit too wobbly, I never learned how to keep straight. I often get tired half way, I lose all my energy. I sometimes rest and sit on the rusted train tracks. No trains pass by here anymore.

Eventually I wander to where the pond was, I somehow find it with out the navigation. I look at the ground and think about where all the frogs went. Getting lost in my own thoughts. What happened to them? Where did they go in the winter when we weren't here to catch them? Is that where they are now? The pond, is no longer deep and swimming with life. It's just dried up mud. Over grown.
@__enlighten