Rethink Everything.

Music and Memories

5/25/16

We walk on stage, not in unison but we get there. The crowd fills in, and instantly eyes are on us. All of us. One of us as a whole, it doesn't matter anymore. At this point my reputation doesn't only just depend on me, it's what we all do. Together.

I see people I know, people who I've invited, fill in the rows of seats. One by one everyone finds a spot, finds their special chair. Except for the crowd, the rest of us all ranked. First chair to last chair. Who's best? Look to the first chair on the left.

The lights dim, and this is when the nerves come in. Sometimes there's a speech, and we walk in testing the waters sometimes we just jump off and dive right in. The music will start with a bang! Or a whisper. But no matter how it starts we all look at our director.

My sections resting, and as I count my beats, keep track of the measures, I look up and look out towards the crowd. I get the same feeling as someone who's looking over a cliff. Or the feeling that someone gets when their in love. I tease myself by doing this, I don't have to look but I do it for a thrill. That's part of why I do this after all. I see someone walk in late and from looking to long I come in late also. My heart beats out of my chest.

I try not to notice, I just moved on. I get back on track with my playing. I find where the band is and attack the note! The music sweeps me off my feet. Like old times. Like when we would dance... The music brings back memories from times when I used to practice it in his apartment. When I was told that my solo was perfect, even though I could barely play through it. The things that music can make you remember...

The band drops out, instantly getting soft as my sound surrounds the room. It's only me playing now, and I can sure as hell tell you I'm nervous. But that's the point of music. Everything has all been memorized and I can never erase it from my head. I can only forget it, or look back at the sheet music. Or dig up that old box of pictures. My solo has improved, like how I have after what he put me through. In my opinion it's not perfect, and I never will be either. But I'm putting in my effort and trying my best.

He couldn't accept it though. There was always something that I would mess up on, that one part in my solo in measure 128. No matter how many times I would play through it I would never get it right, and I expected to miss it this time in the concert. I have no confidence. But then I thought and I remember how the note skips and jumps up and down. And instantly I played it! I got it!

He was probably proud, he was watching me after all. I saw him come in late so no one would notice. He was here for someone else though, or maybe he just showed up for the hell of it. I'm surprised he showed up, last time we ran into each other it was a total disaster. We just left each other that night in a mess... Every time it's almost the same, we "accidentally" run into each other. Even though we talk just because we want to know what the other ones up to. At least that's what I do. And I'm sure this time will be like all the rest. Because my music makes us remember things, that we should both leave in the past.

@__enlighten