Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 25 (Part 1)

*Note: Click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by Kristen () featuring music by The Used, Athlete, and This Will Destroy You.

Elias

Tanner's speechless the second he steps inside my room. I don't know if it's the fact that everything's in pieces or the left over shock of Jersey kissing me right in front of him, but he's dead quiet.

He's never quiet.

He should be talking my ear off. He should be staring me down, eyes full of disappointment just like Dad's, but he won't even look at me. He's too busy avoiding the conversation like he always does.

I open my mouth to get his attention, but he drops to the floor and starts picking up my clothes like cleaning up after me is his fucking responsibility. He grabs a pile of shirts and folds them into perfect little squares, one by one until all of my shit is exactly the way he likes it.

Neat, clean, and flawless like he is.

I pop the pressure out of my knuckles to keep from doing the one thing I want to do, but my temper builds the longer he sits there folding and organizing everything I don't want touched.

I don't need him to pick up my messes. I need to him to let me breathe and let me be. But he's too fucking preoccupied picking up broken pieces of a story he never took the time to understand, and I can't take it anymore.

He stands up and heads over to my dresser to put everything back in place, but I block him before he can reach it. Tanner stiffens up and looks past me like I'm not even there. So I shove him. Hard. I put 190 pounds of force and 365 days of resentment into that push, and he goes stumbling backwards towards my bed.

His back hits the wooden frame with a loud thwack that echoes across the room. He stares at me, stunned, while something like fear scrambles across his face.

And, for a split second, I almost feel strong.

Like if I kept going I could use my fists to make him feel as small as I always have.

But I don't move.

I stand there trying to breathe out my frustration before it swallows me.

"Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna start talking? Fucking say something, Tanner!"

He winces when he gets to his feet, and guilt claws at my chest. I've never pushed him like that. I never should've have pushed him at all.

"What the hell do you want me to say, Eli? What would you say if you saw your brother's room like this? And his name printed all over the news because he made the mistake of making out with the one girl he--"

"It wasn't a mistake, Tanner."

His eyes shift over to the door like he can still see Jersey on the other side of it. He tenses up and chokes back the words he's itching to say. So I say them for him.

"Go on. Tell me I was wrong to kiss her. Tell me that I shouldn't be anywhere near her. Or why don't you send me back to rehab where they'll drug me into losing my fucking mind. Maybe then I'll forget her like you want me to!"

Tanner grabs my shoulders and stares straight through me. Hurt boils over in his eyes, but he doesn't have the right to be. Nobody's ever taken anything away from him. He gets everything, and no matter how much I give up for his sake, it's never enough.