The Long Run (BoyxBoy-teacher/student) *Completed*

Chapter 8

I’m still in my bathroom, water flowing from the shower like nothing happened. I place a hand over my pained forehead, pulling my hand back instantly. Even though the water was freezing cold and it’s in the dead of winter my head is boiling with deep persistent thudding in the back of my skull.

I stand on numb legs with the help of the wall and glance into my room. The alarm clock by my bed reads ‘9:36’ I swear slightly under my breath and strip off the wet layer of clothing. As fast as my numb body allows I get changed and run down to the car.

On the way to school I notice how much pain it brings to breathe in and out. Now even the simplest things have turned into the hardest.  I guess nothing can go right for me.

Moments later I pull up in the car park and drag my bag onto my back, wincing as a deep feeling hits the new tender scars. I’m not sure how long they’ll take to heal but even when they do there will always be a scar there in the long run, reminding me that I’m nothing. Not that I need reminding.

I shuffle into the empty halls and towards my first lesson. The second the door’s open every head turns my way, including Floyd and Drew who both glare at me. I ignore them and sit as far from them as I can, ignoring the teachers squeaky voice as she yells at me for being 40 minutes late for her lesson.

Eventually she caves in with my silence and carries on with her history lesson. Now school can go by normally, well… as normally as it can be.

Classes pass by quickly and uneventfully, before I know it it’s lunch. I make my way to my locker slowly, alone. A couple of people wave politely but I pay them no attention. They can do more than wave silly hellos or goodbyes. I skip out on lunch and instead make my way to the library, surprised when I find it completely empty. I shrug it off and move to a corner furthest from the door.

I sigh and lean back against the wall, relaxing my tense and sore muscles. My body’s still hot and small droplets of sweat roll down the tips of my hair. My mind takes me through memory after memory, Floyd and Drew. People I thought I knew but I guess even the ones closest to you can’t be trusted.

It’s like what my dad said, I’m nothing and no one will or has ever loved me. It’s the painful heart wreaking truth but now it’s out there and the lies can’t hurt me. Not near as much as the truth already has.

I don’t normally let myself believe what my dad says but I can see now that everything he’s ever said to me was the truth. If Floyd and Drew really did care about me they wouldn’t have walked straight out the door without even a glance back.

That’s where I belong, in the back, the darkness. I don’t need reminding that that’s where I belong, I can see it myself. I’d never live up to anyone’s expectations, I’ll never find someone who would look for me in the black ooze I call my life.

Constant thoughts and memories replay in my head like a movie played in front of millions. They may see it, except… I’m the only one who can feel it.

~@~

I walk silently into the dark classroom. The blinds are drawn and the lights are off. Mr Alister isn’t in sight. Ignoring the blackness I take a seat in the back of the room so Mr Alister can’t see the hurt in my eyes or see the way I cradle my hurting body.

All day I’d been thinking of whether to come here or not but it seemed better off than getting suspended and a beating from my dad, one that I’m sure my body wouldn’t survive. It’s already on its way to giving up on itself and falling down and if I’m in another moment like last night I don’t think I can walk away from it as easily, or at all in that matter.

Minutes later the door opens and Mr Alister comes in carrying two boxes that come above his head. Any other day I would have jumped at the chance to help him but I don’t have it in me. I’m going to be doing this as a strictly student teacher relationship from now on, I’ve given up on ever finding love and that works out just fine for me.