Beautiful When You Don't Try (Camren)

Chapter 17

"That's understandable, Baby." She squeezed the small hand in hers. "I'm here to support you. That's my job as your girlfriend."

Camila dropped her eyes to Lauren's hand and played with her fingers, trying to remind herself how they had gotten here again. How they had gone from high school enemies to lovers. It was easier to remember in New York, here they were surrounded by memories and things linking them to the past. Now Camila remembered why it was Lauren had cut herself off from everyone. "Yes, but I haven't really been doing my job when it comes to supporting you."

"You're dong just fine."

"No, Lauren. I'm not. I should have told you about Normani, even if I didn't think you would meet up with her. You were caught off guard. I should have told you about Michelle. I should have told Dad to get over himself when he was giving you the cold shoulder when we got out of jail. It's not like you robbed a bank or killed someone. You were goofing off at five miles per hour on a barren road. I shouldn't have let him talk to you the way he did this morning. Questions are fine but he pretty much attacked you down there, and you didn't deserve it."

"Camila, it's fine."

She could only shake her head as she studied Lauren's face. Lauren was smiling. It wasn't a broad smile but it was a genuine smile and it confused Camila. "Why wont you let anyone take care of you?" Lauren didn't answer, just held her smile and pulled Camila to lay down on the bed, wrapped in her arms. "See, this is what I'm talking about. Why are you holding me when you are the one that's upset. I should be holding you. I should be comforting you. Why wont you let me take care of you?"

"You over think things." Lauren held tighter as the diva attempted to turn around in response. "You held me this morning, did you not? You comforted me then. I let you take care of me."

Once. Out of how many times? "Lauren,"

"I know what you mean, Camila. I do. I'm just not ready to get into that deep of a conversation. Yes or no answers, remember?"

"I remember. That wasn't the actual question I had planed to ask anyway. It just slipped out when you went from being depressed to smiling at me. I'm only used to those extreme changes happening as people come on and off stage. Not in real life. My real question is, did you want to call it an early weekend and just head home tomorrow? You're emotionally spent on your second day here and it's not even noon. Maybe these past issues and regrets should be dealt with in stages instead of bombarding you all at once."

Camila waited to see if Lauren had a response but she never said anything.

"Maybe when you're ready to deal with the next set, I will know how I can actually help you. Right now the best I can do is talk and listen, and you're not up for talking."

"That is going to be a quirk in our relationship." Lauren admitted with a little laugh. "When you are sad or hurt, or feel someone else is, you need to talk about it and solve it right then. I do if it's someone else, but if it's me...I like to think about it first, and talk once I have it pretty much worked out."

"That's because you're weird." Lauren laughed and squeezed the tiny brunette in her arms. "I'm just joking...kind of. But seriously, did you just want to head back to New York tomorrow? I wouldn't mind. I even think it may be best."

"No." Camila was surprised by the finality of the photographer's response. "I want to deal with as much as I can now, for many reasons. One, I've already waited too damn long. Two, I'm afraid if I stop being confronted by them, I will avoid them again in the future. And three, I want to be with you. I want to be able to go to one of your shows and meet you back stage and not have to censor myself. I want to hold your hand walking down the street, kiss you hello and goodbye. I know that can't happen until I'm ready to have questions about all of these past demons be asked."